Limitations of Flesh

27 Monday Feb 2017

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challenge, choice, Commitment, dance, Determination, disability, gratitude, growth, hope, Imperfection, injury, Journey, learning, life, Living Life, Magic, moment, musings, paganism, process, spirits, Strangeness of Life

My knees are burning. My back is cramping. Tears stream down my cheeks in frustration. All I want to do is dance again. To move. To feel alive.

Wall of blank.

Exhaustion rises up, fog descends.

My mantra: I am lucky. This is temporary. This too shall pass.

I don’t believe it.

My body tells me that all there is is Now. Now is all. It might be correct.

I curl up on the floor. Empty.

I catch my breath. Numb.

Noticing, with strange detachment, that the world has become distant. That I’ve been a quiet automaton for hours, days… perhaps longer.

I breathe myself back into my body. Back into my feet. Back into the burning, aching flesh.

At least I feel alive.

I notice. Even restrained, even with the limits of movement, even with the fog and frustration, Here and Now, if I can keep my self in my belly, in my feet, in my hands, in my flesh… I can breathe and expand. The deeper into the flesh I go, the deeper into the magic. The deeper into the world I sink, the more I can expand, the more I am aware of. Oh it hurts, yes, but with each breath is life. With each prickly of goosebumps the wild spirits brush my skin with fingertips, tentacles, lips dripping in nectar.

The more present I am, the more present I am with Them. The gods stand behind me, the ancestors whisper in my ear, the spirits draw near. I can feel my edges, raise my shields, let down my hair, call out the cry of a Witch in the night.

The deeper into my body I can stay, when all my instincts are to flee, to float into painless disconnection, the closer the magic is.

Her and Now. Here and Now at the crossroads of every moment. Here and Now is where the web of Wyrd is woven, where the Power lies.

I am lucky, this too shall pass, this too shall return to the Fertile Darkness from whence it came, I am lucky, there are lessons here, if I can just stop running, just be Here and Now.

And in the stillness, I dance.

In the Footsteps of the Maiden

20 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by Haloquin in Dancing, Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Magic

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Alkistis Dimech, Feyhearted path, Glastonbury, Journey, learning, Living Life, Magic, Occult Conference, paganism, Scarlet Imprint, Strangeness of Life, Visible College, Workshop

Screenshot of a tweet by @Haloquin which reads; "Had a marvellous time at Occult Conference this weekend, today included how to make noises and how to walk. Also cake."

In my tradition (as with many) we have the goal of getting back to our true selves, and we consider this to be a state of being natural to children and animals (though please note that this includes connection, compassion, and the ability to use tools we’ve learnt whilst growing up, like kindness and empathy!). This weekend in Glastonbury, I went to the Occult Conference run by the Visible College, and its theme was practice, with an emphasis on embodiment. The workshop I attended, “Flesh of the World”* was run by Alkistis Dimech (of Scarlet Imprint) and focused on the feet; the feet as our contact with the world, our feet as focal points of our awareness, our feet as magical creatures in their own right (metaphorically), our feet as the foundation of our being in the world.

We learnt how to walk.

And I was struck by how often practical magical workshops are about learning to do things we thought we learned in childhood – walking, vocalising, breathing, standing. So much of our lives and culture encourages us to disconnect from our bodies, our selves, our natures, to live in ways which are destructive to our health, to cut ourselves off from the core of us which is embodied. As a result we need to undo harmful habits and relearn how to do even basic things, in order to fully embody and express our core-self.

This weekend I attended a workshop where we just walked, until walking became a dance and the dance became a magical act. And it was still “just” walking.

Thoughts fell away.

Awareness expanded.

I felt myself fill with song that longed to spill from my heart into the world.

By simply walking I was reminded that through following our feet, placed with deliberation upon the flesh of the world, we can return to the state of innocence, of pure, fey, self which the divine child embodies.

*And yes, this is a reference to phenomenological writings by Merleau-Ponty and others, which made me VERY gleeful!

A Faery at Druid Camp

07 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by Haloquin in Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Reflections

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Camp, Druid Camp, Druidry, Event, gratitude, Labels, learning, Pagan, paganism, process, Rainbow Spirit, review

Before I pontificate, let me just say: Druid Camp itself was marvellous! A community of like-minded people, on many different paths, all made welcome. A sharing of magic, of song and dance and learning, delicious food, laughter and sunshine. Each morning we’d gather in Morning Meeting to hear about the offerings of the day. Each afternoon we’d gather for a talk by a prominent (usually academic) member of the community. And each evening we’d meet for ritual and then music in the cafe tent. Throughout the day volunteers would teach their skills or support the practical running of the event. Community, learning, sharing, celebrating and ritual. Magic in all it’s forms. I fully recommend it to even the just-curious as a gentle, relaxed event with plenty of space to choose what you will engage with, no pressure to know anything beforehand, and a very welcoming place which gives you the chance to meet many people on different paths.

On that note…

I’m not a Druid, not really. I’m not a member of OBOD or ADF or BDO or any other religious group with a name made of alphabet soup. I don’t introduce myself at pagan gatherings as a druid. It’s not a word or an image that resonates with me (and there is probably a good reason for that, which I’ll tell you about one day). And yet I feel very at home at the Rainbow Spirit Druid Camp.

I’ve done a fair amount of studying druidry (or at least neo-druidry, the modern pagan practice inspired by tales of ancient druids), and what I’ve found most often in recent years is that the ethics and attitudes align strongly with my own, the stories often come from the land I call home and I do love a good public ritual.

I still don’t feel like a Druid – though my path is very similar – and that’s ok.

I took an active part in the opening and closing rituals. I volunteered my time and skills to the community by working in the kid’s area. I danced to Morrigan’s Path and Hawkwind’s Nick Turner’s band Space Ritual. I was made welcome.

Part of me wonders if all that makes me a Druid in denial. But we never fit into neat little boxes, do we? I’m coming to accept that my Faery path weaves through several different groves, round the cauldron and into the wildwood. I can stand with the oaks, toast the gods, gather herbs and howl at the moon.

I often catch myself thinking that I’d like a tidy label for what I do, so I knew what I was meant to be doing, and then I remember, I know what I’m meant to be doing. I’m meant to follow the magic of my heart. The guidance of the spirits and the gods and of my deepest truest self. That’s what we’re all meant to do. For some that means finding an official path early on, for me it means that I can find myself at home in many temples. It’s an understanding that I may not be a Druid, but I’m certainly Pagan.

Cult of Busy

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Haloquin in Creative Process, Dancing, Enchanted, Following Delight

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Adventures, Adventuring, creativity, Imperfection, Journey, learning, Living Life, Magic, musings, Performing, process, Self Care, summer

I’m a fully-paid-up, signed-in-blood member of the Cult of Busy and I love it! This time of year is wall-to-wall events, performances, classes and inspiration.

Dancing from one thing to another!

Let me show you what I mean… These are the events I’ve been at this summer:

Dancing at Ceithofest, Lampeter Food Fest, Cardigan Belly Dance Festival, Brynog Arms, A Hawai’ian birthday party and the Steampunk Extraordinarium
Herbal Foraging Day in Longwood
Crafty classes most Wednesdays in July/August
Goblin Circus at Ceithofest, the Steampunk Extraordinarium, a friend’s daughter’s birthday party, a Wellbeing Day in Porthcawl, & Wyrd and Wonderful Fest
Plus a trip to Druid camp, my 31st Birthday (and thus an Unbirthday party) and our second wedding anniversary, a visit from Mother, socialising, working the day job… and AT LEAST a day’s worth of preparation for each and EVERY event or class!!!

Shall we take a day off Maurice? Nah, I agree, rest is for the sleepy and I’m not tired at all… What do you mean I haven’t stopped yawning today?!

Busy summer, right? I’m flagging now though, and finally learning to make space

without resenting my limitations.

This week I’d booked off work to go adventuring. Whether touring living rooms with the Goblin Circus or visiting Edinburgh Festival or whatever, I knew I wanted to be out enjoying the last of the summer season. As August began and I looked at the weeks ahead however, I did something important. I checked in with myself.

Halo Quin, with pixie ears and knitted wings, signing a copy of her book by candlelight.

I love writing! I should do more of it.

And myself reminded me that I also needed to rest and wanted to write.

Writing, whether for the thesis or creatively always takes a chunk of time for me. All the excitement and inspiration from my travels needs a little space to catch up and brew.

I was then invited to another event for this period. I realised my other plans had fallen through or not materialised and I could finally get to this event I’d wanted to go to for ages, and be both useful and inspired… and I declined. For once, I’m not regretting it. I’m not feeling like I’m missing out, I feel, instead, like I have space to create.

And yes, I’m still a true believer in the Cult of Busy (“Better busy than bored!” is a favourite saying of mine!) I love the thrill, the excitement, the stimulation… but perhaps, just for a week, I’ll sit on my garden steps with my blossoming roses and be a heretic as well.

Now, who’s for a cuppa?

There are still THIS many things I want to do!!! But one step at a time.

Dreaming of a Grove

26 Sunday Jun 2011

Posted by Haloquin in Creative Process, Faery, Following Delight, Magic

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Art Craft and Beauty, Beginnings, challenge, Determination, Dreams, Faery, Feyhearted path, Heart, Imperfection, inspirations, learning, Living Life, Magic, musings, Philosophy, process, project, Strangeness of Life, Tools

I have a dream…

A dream of a place where people can gather and share and support each other in the path of enchantment, of Faery, of magic and spirit.

A place which holds space for play and the search for delight in the everyday.

A place where people can discuss serious thoughts about a-rational things, and playful thoughts about serious things.

A place for art and music and devotion and learning and healing and empowerment.

A place where your religion doesn’t matter, where magic as metaphor and magic as real is equally as precious because it is the experience and the enchantment it gives you that matters.

An Enchanted Grove.

I dream that one day this will be a physical place, a tangible space, or maybe even many spaces across the world…

For now, I’m planting the seeds of an online grove… there are a few feylings there already and soon I hope to open it up to more wandering wonderers.

I’m making my dreams come true…

Would you care to join me?

Being a Creative Philosopher in an Analytic World.

26 Thursday May 2011

Posted by Haloquin in All Posts, Creative Process, Following Delight, Philosophy, Reflections

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choice, creativity, Determination, gratitude, Heart, Honesty, Imperfection, inspirations, Intent, learning, Living Life, musings, Philosophy, Strangeness of Life

Many things make up who we are - what do you share and what do you keep precious from the world? When do you ignore the 'sensible' and leap into what you love?

How often have I tried to hide?

I know it would be safer to keep my head down, to keep my lunacy separate from the rational academia in which I’m slowly-slowly carving a place for myself, and yet I also know that to hide is to deny myself.

So I shut my eyes and I leap.

I see a scary thing ahead, and I take a deep breath and tell my Sensible Self to close her eyes… and then the moon-kissed heart of me steps off the cliff and trusts the wind to carry her.

It’s never dropped me yet.

I know as well as you do the risks of being seen as crazy – it’s a not-so-secret fear of mine, you know? – if they see me and dismiss me I’ll be left out in the cold. If they think I’m crazy they’ll turn me away… I’ll lose friends and opportunities and it’ll all be for nothing.

So says my Sensible Self. She has good reason to believe these things, and yet I know that even if the worst happens, the Wind will not drop me. At least, he will not drop me far!

I’ve friends who have seen me star-struck and moon-kissed and standing on edges. I’ve friends who’ve stood beside me as I’ve opened doors and boxes which Sensible Me says would be better left closed. In leaping I’ve found people who encourage me to fly, even in the most unexpected places.

Those who shake their heads and sigh do not need to know my heart, but as long as I follow it, the Wind will carry me when the ground falls out beneath my feet. Those that know what flying means will soar with me, even if they ride another breeze.

And only those that understand dreams of flight are worth sharing my secrets with. Only those who already share a spark will understand what I say.

And so I come full circle.

No longer do I hide, but neither do I need to tell everyone I meet my deepest, brightest secrets. That those lights guide me is no reason to announce it to the world.

My dreams, my passions, my obsessions filter into my academic work, and you’d be amazed at how often people ignore the bits they do not understand. It’s not easy to have a touch of the irrational in a world of rationality, but they feed each other and both grow stronger from it.

I am me. Every day I learn to be more me, I am always becoming, and I do not hide…

But I do keep secrets.

***

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Pearl Pentacle – Knowledge

28 Monday Mar 2011

Posted by Haloquin in All Posts, Magic, Pentacles, Reflections

≈ 1 Comment

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Art Craft and Beauty, choice, Commitment, Heart, Honesty, Imperfection, inspirations, Intent, Iron Pentacle, Journalling, Journey, learning, Living Life, Magic, musings, Philosophy, Suggestions, Tools

Knowing

What do I know?

What are my skills?

What have I learned in my time incarnated?

We all know something so well we forget others may not understand it.

We all have skills we have learnt to help us survive.

When we begin to know ourselves, we begin to know what we know… Who we are includes our skills and knowledge, and who we are is expressed through that which we have invested much energy learning about. We are, in the world, what we do; our actions are a true reflection of what and who we are… Even when we wish we were different.

What do you know?

How do you express that knowledge?

When you act from what you know you express that part of yourself in the world. Only you can share that knowledge, those skills, that understanding in that way.

Know what you know, and know how you express your knowledge, and you will know who you are… And, perhaps, what you need to change in your expression in order to become the best you that you can be.

Know your self.

Know your skills.

Know your role in your world…

Pearl Pentacle – Introduction

28 Monday Feb 2011

Posted by Haloquin in All Posts, Magic, Pentacles

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Community, Feri, Heart, Iron Pentacle, Journalling, learning, Living Life, Magic, musing, musings, Pearl Pentacle, Philosophy, process, project, Reclaiming, Tools

Earlier this month I wrote a series of posts on the Iron Pentacle, a meditational tool for self-discovery and transformation used within the Reclaiming tradition. The Iron Pentacle, and its partner, the Pearl Pentacle, came from the Feri tradition, and have evolved within Reclaiming to become something slightly different.

I spoke of Iron, now it is time for Pearl…

The Iron pentacle is the foundation of self, the work of a lifetime.

The Pearl pentacle is what happens when you are strong and balanced in yourself; healthy relationships and communities arise. Pearl is, therefore, the work of many lifetimes.*

Energetically Pearl is what happens when the energies of Iron come into balance and vibrate up, expanding from a self-centric to a community-centric relationship with the world. Conceptually, Pearl is what happens when you take the ideas of Iron and imagine them expressed in community and in the world in a healthy way.

The point of Pearl grow out of the points of Iron…

Sex becomes Love

Pride becomes Law

Self becomes Knowledge

Power becomes Liberty

Passion becomes Wisdom

We need a strong sense of Iron in order to act through Pearl… if you do not have a clear, clean access to lifeforce, you cannot express it in support of others and connect healthily. If you do not have an sense of your place in the world, you cannot understand the natural Law which places all things in relationship, in the flow of cause and effect. If you have no knowledge of yourself you cannot know the world… and so on.

Continue reading →

Iron Pentacle Workshop – Announcement

28 Thursday Oct 2010

Posted by Haloquin in Following Delight, Magic

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Fears, growing things, Iron Pentacle, Journey, learning, Living Life, Otherworlds, process, Reality, Strangeness of Life, Teaching, Workshop

My dear friend and I are running an Iron Pentacle Workshop next February… below is the announcement we’ve sent out.

I’ve personally been working with this tool for a good few years now, and I’m still uncovering fascinating discoveries everytime I muse on it. Running this workshop, from organising to actually teaching it is going to be a real challenge for me, one that I am looking forward to with great excitement.

I’d love to hear your experiences of taking something you’ve been learning to the next level… for me, on the Iron Pentacle, this is introducing others to it. For you it might be performing an instrument you’ve been learning in front of an audience, or speaking a language you’ve been studying in its own country… whatever it is, we take these steps, where we’ve worked on something for long enough that we’re ready to expand. And its scary. And thrilling.

I’m excited, I’d love for you to join us. And I’d love to hear your experiences in similar situations… here is the announcement, and I hope you’ll join me in the comments below…

We would like to invite you to join us for a weekend intensive on the Iron
Pentacle in Glastonbury on 4th-6th February 2011 With Raven Edgewalker and Halo
The Iron Pentacle is one of the core Reclaiming and Feri tools for
self-transformation.
It’s points – Sex, Self, Passion, Pride and Power are our birthright as free
human beings. Through our work with the Iron Pentacle we can learn to claim
these and integrate them into our lives. This workshop offers an intensive
introduction to the Iron Pentacle, and the work of integration is the work of a
lifetime. During this workshop we will use ritual, trance, energy work,
self-awareness, communication and group-work to work on areas where growth and
balance are required and learn tools to take this work out into your daily
lives.

This workshop is an intermediate workshop, Iron pentacle work can be challenging
and we will not be spending time teaching basic magical skills. It is open to
anyone who has taken one or more reclaiming core class, workshop or camp or who
has equivalent experience in other traditions. If you would like more
information or to request a registration form please contact Raven at
greenwomancrafts@gmail.com or Halo at craftyhalo@gmail.com

We will start work on 6pm on Friday with Ritual and will close on Sunday at 4pm

Cost: Sliding scale £80 – £120 a £40 non-refundable deposit it required to hold
your place with the balance being due on 10th January 2011. We anticipate this
workshop filling to capacity.

This is a non-residential workshop. For people coming from afar there are a wide
range of accommodation options in and around the Glastonbury area. Some useful
links will be sent out with the registration form.

We invite you to bring vegetarian food to share, there are also many cafes and
restaurants close to the venue.

Location: Glastonbury, Somerset – address and directions will be given on
receipt of deposit.

Teachers

Raven Edgewalker
Raven, is a British Witch who has been teaching in the Reclaiming tradition for
over ten years, she is an initiate in both the Reclaiming and Anderson Feri
traditions. She loves to travel and has been honored to have taught classes,
workshops and WitchCamps in the UK, Germany, US, Finland and Israel. Raven is
a self-employed artist and crafts-person, a teacher, jack-of-all-trades, a poet,
writer and recovering academic. She has a deep love of the natural world and
works closely with the land and the magic of connections. Raven believes that
the most important tool she can share as a teacher is that of personal practice
– a practice will flow through daily life and connect and reconnect us to the
divine with each breath.

Halo
Is Fascinated by the Fey and dreams of delight. An artist, philosopher and
Witch, Halo is enchanted by the world and committed to filling it with beauty
and joy wherever possible. To this end she turns her gaze towards magic,
questions whatever she can find, and invites you to join her in weaving a witchy
web of wonder!

Exhibitionism

02 Saturday Oct 2010

Posted by Haloquin in Art Craft and Beauty, Following Delight

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Tags

Beginning, Creation, Exhibiting, Fears, hope, Imperfection, learning, Living Life

Hanging paintings on a public wall feels a little like exposing my heart to the world.

Knowing that, Monday lunchtime, office workers will file into the canteen past my pictures, lovingly crafted but still revealing the inadequacies of my skill, the limitations of time and materials and money and…

Today I hung 5 of my paintings in a corridor of the NPower HQ in Swindon, alongside other artworks, by other members of the Swindon Artists’ Forum.

I expected to feel shy and inadequate seeing my work alongside such glories as I know the other artists create, but it seems I’ve come a long way. I didn’t feel embarressed. I could see the differences in style, and still appreciate what I’d made.

I’m actually proud of my art! How awesome is that?

And still, theres a little knot of uncomfortable-ness at the thought that people will pass these pictures, will pass judgement on them, and therefore on me. Art comes from a very deep rooted place in my heart. Even when it looks like doodles to passers by…

I’m excited. Its wonderful to be able to share these, and I hope hope hope that my pictures will brighten someone’s day along the way. And, if someone buys one, then so much the better (that is the only way I’ll find out if anyone likes one, after all! Unless someone makes the effort to send me an email just to say I’ve made something beautiful, which is possible.)

And I’m scared.

And thats ok.

For those of you who don’t work in that particular building, here are the pictures I took to commemorate this momentous occasion with: