Category Archives: Following Delight

Feeling Falsely Fraudulent

26 Friday Apr 2019

Posted by in Creative Process, Following Delight, Reflections

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Creative Writing Pic

Creative Writing Classes… because apparently I’m a teacher?

 

I know, I know, we all get it. But damn imposter syndrome is REAL and hard.

I’ve just (after several weeks of not because… resistant brain?) made event pages for two writing classes I’m starting next month. I’ve been running one in Carmarthen for the last six months and it’s been wonderful. The students came with such a wide range of experience and backgrounds – from the jewellery maker who hasn’t written since school, to the professional non-fiction writer who wanted to stretch his story-crafting muscles – and have each inspired me with what they’ve achieved. Their feedback has shown me I can teach these classes, and yet…

I hit post on the event pages and immediately began doubting myself. What if people turn up and I discover I can’t do it? What if I let them down? What if I’m kidding myself and this is not remotely viable for me as a possible career thread… What if these classes were just a fluke? What if they discover I really haven’t got a clue?!

My sensible brain knows that I am, actually, good at this. I have some major challenges around making the classes happen and promoting them (ADHD non-linear butterfly brain, anyone?) but when I’m there, in the space, it’s wonderful.

But oh gods, I really just want to hide now!

This is a good opportunity to practice self-acceptance, however. I am not just my limitations, and not just the easy parts of me. I’m also someone who loves to teach, and who can and does get up in front of a roomful of people and takes a risk on being seen for who and what I am. Hopefully, I’ll continue to prove myself worthy! Either way, I am apparently a brave person because it takes courage to do the scary thing.

So… to honour that…

Classes start…

…in Aberystwyth, Wednesday 8th May, 11am – 12:30pm at the Dragonfly Bistro, 7 St James’ Street. £6/£5 a session, £20 for first four in advance. (Facebook Event Page)

… in Lampeter, Tuesday 14th May, 3:30 – 5pm at the Mulberry Bush, 2 Bridge Street, £6/£5 a session, £20 for first four in advance. (Facebook Event Page) 

Any questions, or to book, email me: Haloquin@gmail.com

 

Happy Thoughts and Pixie Dust,

~Halo x

 

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In the Footsteps of the Maiden

20 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by in Dancing, Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Magic

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Screenshot of a tweet by @Haloquin which reads; "Had a marvellous time at Occult Conference this weekend, today included how to make noises and how to walk. Also cake."

In my tradition (as with many) we have the goal of getting back to our true selves, and we consider this to be a state of being natural to children and animals (though please note that this includes connection, compassion, and the ability to use tools we’ve learnt whilst growing up, like kindness and empathy!). This weekend in Glastonbury, I went to the Occult Conference run by the Visible College, and its theme was practice, with an emphasis on embodiment. The workshop I attended, “Flesh of the World”* was run by Alkistis Dimech (of Scarlet Imprint) and focused on the feet; the feet as our contact with the world, our feet as focal points of our awareness, our feet as magical creatures in their own right (metaphorically), our feet as the foundation of our being in the world.

We learnt how to walk.

And I was struck by how often practical magical workshops are about learning to do things we thought we learned in childhood – walking, vocalising, breathing, standing. So much of our lives and culture encourages us to disconnect from our bodies, our selves, our natures, to live in ways which are destructive to our health, to cut ourselves off from the core of us which is embodied. As a result we need to undo harmful habits and relearn how to do even basic things, in order to fully embody and express our core-self.

This weekend I attended a workshop where we just walked, until walking became a dance and the dance became a magical act. And it was still “just” walking.

Thoughts fell away.

Awareness expanded.

I felt myself fill with song that longed to spill from my heart into the world.

By simply walking I was reminded that through following our feet, placed with deliberation upon the flesh of the world, we can return to the state of innocence, of pure, fey, self which the divine child embodies.

 

 

 

*And yes, this is a reference to phenomenological writings by Merleau-Ponty and others, which made me VERY gleeful!

Goblins on The Rock Show

01 Tuesday Nov 2016

Posted by in Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Magic

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As the finishing touch for this year’s Samhain-Halloween, after much ancestor work and feasting with friends, I found myself entering The Bunker, from which Big Jim broadcasts The Rock Show each Monday.

the-rock-show

Apparently it has been banned from Youtube, so this was either a genius plan or the worst idea I’d ever had. (Well, maybe not THE worst…)

My friend Eve had led the way from the Pagan Society Ritual to this strange corner of the town and I found myself stepping into another world. This was the second time that evening as the ritual had included an unexpected trip to the land of the dead. At least this meant I had my world-hopping boots on already.

Black and colourful candles lit the space showing band T-Shirts and Vinyl adorning the wooden walls. A clear desk with a microphone standing proud dominated one end, with laptops and hardware glowing like some kind of esoteric portals. I spared a moment for a prayer that the tech be treated kindly by the spirits and felt reassured by their response, Big Jim had that covered.

My Owl feathers still fluttered around my neck and I’d kept my torque and circlet but I’d swapped my purple robes for a white steampunk jacket. The robes keep me warm and show my role when I’m running ritual but the other items have protective functions. I’ve always drifted into the otherworld easily so I developed a habit of wearing talismans during ritual (and activities that might put me close to faeryland) just as back-up to keep me in my body and on the path.

Eve and I joked (kinda) about having just come from a ritual involving necromancy as Jim ushered me round to the mic. We had been contacting the dead so technically “necromancy” is accurate. “Bark at the Moon” (Ozzy!) echoed round the studio and I stood by the mic, ready to… well, I wasn’t sure, but whatever it was, it was going to be fun. The music ended and Jim began.

So, joining us fresh from ritual tonight is Halo! Halo is a White Witch and…”

“No. I’m not actually.

The slightly concerned twitch was amusing. Oh dear, I thought, I’m clearly feeling contrary tonight!

Jim changed the subject onto safer ground and we talked about the importance of the land and our relationship with it. Our position as part of nature. I eventually dropped in…

I said I’m not a white witch, I’m more of a green witch, a faery witch.

Jim laughed, the pieces making more sense. He was right, I take my responsibilities very seriously and have no intention of harming others, but while I don’t tend to curse and my goal is always to be kind, the labels black and white are problematic, oversimplified terms that lead to thinking that serves no-one. Even if they make things easier to understand! I knew full well that I was adding complications to the understanding of Jim’s listeners but it is important. Stories are important, labels are important. Truth is important.

Goblin Circus in the daylightAbout halfway through the interview the subject of Goblins and The Goblin Circus, my storytelling show, *just happened* to come up. From there it got really weird! I’ve no idea how well it translated through the airwaves but They turned up. That bunker is a magical space, and it is very welcoming of the mischievious, playful and darker energies of the Fae. It seemed that They liked it very much! It amused them to raise the temperature too…

Big Jim asked if we could “manifest” a Goblin, but given that they’ve deleted, destroyed or hidden most of the records of the Goblin Circus in action, I didn’t think it wise for Jim’s tech… and had the distinct impression that they didn’t want to be a parlour trick. Off-air Jim’s blue-haired apprentice A. asked if we could travel to the land of the dead. The dead were close enough to make the temperature drop and both Jim and A. shivered. Cue worried looks. I suggested that we stick with the goblins. And thus the experimental 3-minute trip to Faeryland and back occurred. I just described what the Goblins were showing me and we were off.

It was only when the show was over that Jim informed me of quite how many people there were listening in… well, yes. I’m glad that each person had their own goblin/spirit to guide them there and back again, I’m not sure I could have kept so many souls safe on such a trek alone!

Off-air I did hold up my “Philosopher Brain Here” card and remind them that I was well aware that it could all be suggestion, perhaps there is nothing objectively real about any of the energies or beings that joined us… but then, perhaps we’re not objectively real either. And, how does that saying go? “It’s all in our heads, but our heads are much bigger than we think they are.” I’m not stupid and I’m not crazy. But I am genuine. I do have experiences which indicate to me that it is real, and I’m happier and healthier when I let myself trust it… and I believe utterly in the reality of the spirit realm.

Besides, it is so much fun to introduce people to goblins when they were just expecting a harmless chat about Halloween…

Until Monday 7th November you can listen to the whole Halloween show here; http://www.therockshow.co.uk/

Steampunk Enchantment and Glamourie

22 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by in Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Magic

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Glamour is traditionally a faery magic. The ability to make something look like something else, to make something more beautiful, or ugly, is a handy skill for hiding something, or testing someone.

In many stories a magical being will appear as an ugly or low-status person, hiding their nature to test the human… asking for bread while wearing this glamour the faery asks; “Is this human worth helping? Are they honourable? Do they help others to be helpful or for their own gain? Do they respect the land and all who live here, or only wish for benefits for themselves?”

On the other hand, sometimes you’ll hear of gold that turns into dead leaves when the glamour wears off, leaving the faery laughing in the distance with the goods. Although one can’t help but wonder if perhaps the very earth from which we grow, which feeds us and houses us and receives us in the end, perhaps the earth is more valuable than gold?

On to steampunkerie! This year I’ve taken the Goblin Circus to quite a few steampunk events and I’ve been pondering glamourie again. When we dress up we’re casting a glamour on ourselves. We don’t have to use this to present an image though, instead we can use it to create a space of possibility. When we add an element of fun we open the doors of possibility further because we can relax into the magic! Steampunk is great for this! (If you like the aesthetic!) Fairy festivals can serve a similar function.

 

I wonder what kind of magic can flow when we use these glamours? Could we create “personas” that are simply the best version of ourselves? Our most fully realised Us? And then perform those in spaces full of fun and playfulness in such a way that they then make space for that version of ourselves to manifest in every day life? Or do we tend to relegate those playful parts of ourselves to the safe spaces of themed events? Of course, we can use it to explore our shadows, or personas completely different to our own too… in which case it probably is best to leave those glamours behind, and instead learn from them…

… and share our bread with them so they know they are honoured too.

 

A Faery at Druid Camp

07 Wednesday Sep 2016

Posted by in Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Reflections

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Before I pontificate, let me just say: Druid Camp itself was marvellous! A community of like-minded people, on many different paths, all made welcome. A sharing of magic, of song and dance and learning, delicious food, laughter and sunshine. Each morning we’d gather in Morning Meeting to hear about the offerings of the day. Each afternoon we’d gather for a talk by a prominent (usually academic) member of the community. And each evening we’d meet for ritual and then music in the cafe tent. Throughout the day volunteers would teach their skills or support the practical running of the event.  Community, learning, sharing, celebrating and ritual. Magic in all it’s forms. I fully recommend it to even the just-curious as a gentle, relaxed event with plenty of space to choose what you will engage with, no pressure to know anything beforehand, and a very welcoming place which gives you the chance to meet many people on different paths.

On that note…

I’m not a Druid, not really. I’m not a member of OBOD or ADF or BDO or any other religious group with a name made of alphabet soup. I don’t introduce myself at pagan gatherings as a druid. It’s not a word or an image that resonates with me (and there is probably a good reason for that, which I’ll tell you about one day). And yet I feel very at home at the Rainbow Spirit Druid Camp.

I’ve done a fair amount of studying druidry (or at least neo-druidry, the modern pagan practice inspired by tales of ancient druids), and what I’ve found most often in recent years is that the ethics and attitudes align strongly with my own, the stories often come from the land I call home and I do love a good public ritual.

I still don’t feel like a Druid – though my path is very similar – and that’s ok.

I took an active part in the opening and closing rituals. I volunteered my time and skills to the community by working in the kid’s area. I danced to Morrigan’s Path and Hawkwind’s Nick Turner’s band Space Ritual. I was made welcome.

Part of me wonders if all that makes me a Druid in denial. But we never fit into neat little boxes, do we? I’m coming to accept that my Faery path weaves through several different groves, round the cauldron and into the wildwood. I can stand with the oaks, toast the gods, gather herbs and howl at the moon.

I often catch myself thinking that I’d like a tidy label for what I do, so I knew what I was meant to be doing, and then I remember, I know what I’m meant to be doing. I’m meant to follow the magic of my heart. The guidance of the spirits and the gods and of my deepest truest self. That’s what we’re all meant to do. For some that means finding an official path early on, for me it means that I can find myself at home in many temples. It’s an understanding that I may not be a Druid, but I’m certainly Pagan.

Cult of Busy

24 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Creative Process, Dancing, Enchanted, Following Delight

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I’m a fully-paid-up, signed-in-blood member of the Cult of Busy and I love it! This time of year is wall-to-wall events, performances, classes and inspiration.

Dancing from one thing to another!

Dancing from one thing to another!

Let me show you what I mean… These are the events I’ve been at this summer:

  • Dancing at Ceithofest, Lampeter Food Fest, Cardigan Belly Dance Festival, Brynog Arms, A Hawai’ian birthday party and the Steampunk Extraordinarium
  • Herbal Foraging Day in Longwood
  • Crafty classes most Wednesdays in July/August
  • Goblin Circus at Ceithofest, the Steampunk Extraordinarium, a friend’s daughter’s birthday party, a Wellbeing Day in Porthcawl, & Wyrd and Wonderful Fest
  • Plus a trip to Druid camp, my 31st Birthday (and thus an Unbirthday party) and our second wedding anniversary, a visit from Mother, socialising, working the day job… and AT LEAST a day’s worth of preparation for each and EVERY event or class!!!
Shall we take a day off Maurice?

Shall we take a day off Maurice? Nah, I agree, rest is for the sleepy and I’m not tired at all… What do you mean I haven’t stopped yawning today?!

Busy summer, right? I’m flagging now though, and finally learning to make space

without resenting my limitations.

This week I’d booked off work to go adventuring. Whether touring living rooms with the Goblin Circus or visiting Edinburgh Festival or whatever, I knew I wanted to be out enjoying the last of the summer season. As August began and I looked at the weeks ahead however, I did something important. I checked in with myself.

Halo Quin, with pixie ears and knitted wings, signing a copy of her book by candlelight.

I love writing! I should do more of it.

And myself reminded me that I also needed to rest and wanted to write.

Writing, whether for the thesis or creatively always takes a chunk of time for me. All the excitement and inspiration from my travels needs a little space to catch up and brew.

I was then invited to another event for this period. I realised my other plans had fallen through or not materialised and I could finally get to this event I’d wanted to go to for ages, and be both useful and inspired… and I declined. For once, I’m not regretting it. I’m not feeling like I’m missing out, I feel, instead, like I have space to create.

And yes, I’m still a true believer in the Cult of Busy (“Better busy than bored!” is a favourite saying of mine!) I love the thrill, the excitement, the stimulation… but perhaps, just for a week, I’ll sit on my garden steps with my blossoming roses and be a heretic as well.

Now, who’s for a cuppa?

There are still THIS many things I want to do!!!

There are still THIS many things I want to do!!! But one step at a time.

Dance and the cane…

20 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Creative Process, Dancing, Following Delight

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At the beginning of the summer I did a duet, using moves that are designed for 4/4 time to a waltz no less. It was wonderful. It felt amazing. It looked gorgeous. I’d been dancing ATS for only just over a year. (Just goes to show what a good teacher I have!)

I am, rightly so, proud.

The work I’ve put in shows. The dedication. The love. And it has given me as much back in return. A tribe. Health and strength and joy. An understanding that I can.

I’m a dancer.

That video was taken at the start of the summer. Two weeks ago I bought a walking stick. A wooden cane. For, you know, walking with. Because my ankle began to strain and my knees became stupid, inflamed, burny joints of ouch.

Not impressed.

And frustrated… why is it that I’ve finally begun to reach a level where I can be properly proud of dancing and suddenly I have mobility issues again? I spent years (literally years) working to heal a back that stopped me being able to function properly and the dance took the pain away.

Now? Dancing aggravates it. But while I dance I feel so much better. I can dance across the dance floor (for a while at least) more easily than I can walk. I almost cried in frustration today. And yet I know I’ll keep going, I know this will pass… I just have to lace up my boots and strap up my knees and keep dancing until I’m strong again. And be grateful that I can.

Book Release Date! Your Faery Magic

17 Saturday Oct 2015

Posted by in Enchanted, Faery, Following Delight, Magic, Philosophy

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It’s official! Your Faery Magic is on its way!!!*

Release date: 11th December 2015

Ready for pre-order with Amazon now!

This is a book for beginners on the Faery path, it is for those of us who loved the tales of flower fairies but felt more at home with the goblins and dryads, carving our own wands and brewing up our own potions. This is a book for finding your way towards a faery path of your very own. It is the book I wish I had found when I began in paganism, and I hope it will help guide many feet towards uncovering their own relationship to the spirits of nature.

It has been described as gentle and mature, non-prescriptive and fascinating.

This is the official blurb:

“Have you ever felt that you were ‘different’? That the Otherworld was closer for you than it is for other folk? Have you ever wondered how you can tap into the wild, untamed magic of your own faery heart? Then this book is for you. Once upon a time ‘Fey’ meant both the spirits of the natural world and the nature of those humans that were in touch with that magic in themselves; the seers, the spirit workers, the ones who walked between. This is your guide to finding that Fey magic which sings in your heart. Through this book you will meet your guide, visit faeryland, learn about the beings of the faery worlds and develop your own faery craft to work in harmony with the power and cycles of the earth by unlocking the nature of your Fey spirit. Time for you to become the Fey you truly are.”

I’m SOOOOO excited!!!

*happydance*

*I’ve been offline since moving house… and the release date, book cover and advance copies all arrived whilst we were offline! So technically this news is a little late, sorry!

Creative Wayfaring – Pondering on a Dream

13 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by in Following Delight, Reflections

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I have always dreamed of doing something almost exactly like this, a quiet, persistent wish that I return to again and again but never quite believe it to be possible. One day… a sustainable way of living. A home with wheels. Travelling light (which may be the hardest task of all as I’m such a hoarder!). Blessed by the stars. Taking creativity and performance and magic to people round the country. As a child I was fascinated by the idea of ‘gypsy’ caravans. As a teen I brushed against the idea of being a new age traveller. Both seemed impossible; one a dream of cultural misappropriation, the other drug-addled and full of drama. I toyed with the idea of touring festivals in the summer but wasn’t even sure where to begin… so I didn’t.

And then, the other day this dream wandered across my FB feed. Hedgespoken is a vehicle for the imagination and a beautiful, creative, sustainable home. I am jealous and envious and oh-so excited for them.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/hedgespoken

I realise I’ve spent most of my life gathering skills suitable for this kind of life including; tarot reading, art-making, singing, acting, writing, holistic therapies, magic, teaching, storytelling and most recently belly dancing and clothes/costume making… I’ve always always dreamed of the romantic idea of the life of a traveller, a wayfarer. The one thing I’ve refused to do, the one thing that would actually make it a possibility, is learn to drive (it terrifies me). Is this self-sabotage? The whole thing seems impractical, impossible and hopelessly romantic. Not to mention that my husband hates the idea of living in a converted bus! And yet…

Still I dream. And now I see more evidence of how it is possible. I make a donation as a spell to help them reach their dream and a wish towards my own. I wonder if I really want to live such a tough lifestyle. If I’m up to it? But then, perhaps it is only as tough as the life I’m living, just in ways I’m unaccustomed to.

For some reason I have spent the last decade in seeming diversion, I’ve dedicated a huge chunk of my life to something I also love, but which seems diametrically opposed to the wayfaring lifestyle – academic philosophy. I adore it. I love lecturing and giving papers. And it feels both part of this dream and something contrasting it.

And so I return to where I am. Let me finish my PhD and continue honing my skills. Let me dream my Wayfaring home into being, even if it exists alongside a home with roots. Even if it only exists for a summer.  Let me find the wandering wonder I’ve longed for since I was young enough to dream.

In my heart I am a Wayfarer, though I fear the reality would prove that I only love the idea of it… and perhaps that is why I’ve yet to commit to it!

If you’ve read this far, I thank you and I’d love to hear… What are your weirdest dreams, the ones you return to again and again but never quite can bring yourself to speak aloud?

Put on Your Dancing Shoes – or take them off, it’s less slippery!

19 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by in Dancing, Following Delight, Reflections

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I’d like to share something I’m very excited about right now and the story of how I’ve found myself shimmying round my day-job-shop when customers aren’t looking!

I’ve always known that I wanted to dance, but could never find the right style.

As a child I tried tap dancing, in my teens I attempted a contemporary dance class – which I mostly remember as running from wall to wall, over and over, never quite got where that was going – throughout my life I’ve read Gabrielle Roth’s books over and over. I tried salsa, which I couldn’t get my feet round… In fact, the only thing that worked for me was whilst at uni when I would go out, step onto the dance floor as soon as the doors opened and only leave to down a pint of water before returning to the dance for as long as the music played.

Until now. Last spring I had five weeks of tribal belly dance classes in the Black Sheep style. The teacher, Lyza, became a friend of mine through connecting afterwards to share dancing. At that point I suspected it would be another phase. A subject I would be excited about for a month or two and then would fade into the background. A few core things have stuck with me long-term but many many other passions come and go. I was secretly certain this might be one of those…

But that excitement didn’t go away. I researched the histories of belly dance. I practised what little I’d learnt under my own steam. I kept hoping to return…

And then Wendy launched an ATS(r) class in March and I couldn’t go! It clashed with the teaching course I was on and the seminars I ran. I looked at it every week, waiting for the course to finish so I could join in. In June, finally, I walked through that door and into a new tribe, Tribal Unity Wales.

I dash to class each Tuesday with joy in my heart. No other hobby  has ever had me this excited. Just two months of dancing with Tribal Unity and I managed a fortnight camping and trekking round Amsterdam, bookended by two 16 hour coach journeys, without back pain. (It was our honeymoon, and yes, it was fab!)

And it has so many layers! There is crafting and aesthetics for costuming, researching history, learning new steps, the challenge of getting to grips with them, constant opportunities for improvement, performance, the endorphins of exercise, music, self-expression, the flow of energy, stories, community and friendship, shows to watch, events to explore, cultures to investigate… and there are many different styles to learn about (and perhaps learn one day).

With so much to play with it is no wonder I’ve found myself thinking about it almost constantly!

This Friday we performed at Lampeter’s World Dance festival. I made so many mistakes, almost fell over with soft shoes on a slippery floor, missed cues, got confused… and yet could not stop grinning. I loved it. Dancing with these lovely ladies, sharing something that has brought me so much delight and returned my strength, and challenging myself to improve all combined to fill me with delight. Tribal style belly dance has utterly enchanted me and I feel like I’ve come home.

Friday’s performance, my first time dancing in public:

The moral of this story? Keep looking, keep trying, keep putting that desire out there even when you don’t know exactly what it is you want. Eventually the Universe will bring you to precisely where you need to be. And even if you make mistakes and feel like it is all going wrong, it is still beautiful and the world doesn’t end! It is preparing you for what is to come next…