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Halo's Journal

~ Enchantment, Philosophy & Fairies – Magic and the mundane, kissing.

Halo's Journal

Tag Archives: Commitment

Limitations of Flesh

27 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by Haloquin in Dancing, Magic

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

challenge, choice, Commitment, dance, Determination, disability, gratitude, growth, hope, Imperfection, injury, Journey, learning, life, Living Life, Magic, moment, musings, paganism, process, spirits, Strangeness of Life

My knees are burning. My back is cramping. Tears stream down my cheeks in frustration. All I want to do is dance again. To move. To feel alive.

Wall of blank.

Exhaustion rises up, fog descends.

My mantra: I am lucky. This is temporary. This too shall pass.

I don’t believe it.

My body tells me that all there is is Now. Now is all. It might be correct.

I curl up on the floor. Empty.

I catch my breath. Numb.

Noticing, with strange detachment, that the world has become distant. That I’ve been a quiet automaton for hours, days… perhaps longer.

I breathe myself back into my body. Back into my feet. Back into the burning, aching flesh.

At least I feel alive.

I notice. Even restrained, even with the limits of movement, even with the fog and frustration, Here and Now, if I can keep my self in my belly, in my feet, in my hands, in my flesh… I can breathe and expand. The deeper into the flesh I go, the deeper into the magic. The deeper into the world I sink, the more I can expand, the more I am aware of. Oh it hurts, yes, but with each breath is life. With each prickly of goosebumps the wild spirits brush my skin with fingertips, tentacles, lips dripping in nectar.

The more present I am, the more present I am with Them. The gods stand behind me, the ancestors whisper in my ear, the spirits draw near. I can feel my edges, raise my shields, let down my hair, call out the cry of a Witch in the night.

The deeper into my body I can stay, when all my instincts are to flee, to float into painless disconnection, the closer the magic is.

Her and Now. Here and Now at the crossroads of every moment. Here and Now is where the web of Wyrd is woven, where the Power lies.

 

I am lucky, this too shall pass, this too shall return to the Fertile Darkness from whence it came, I am lucky, there are lessons here, if I can just stop running, just be Here and Now.

And in the stillness, I dance.

Put on Your Dancing Shoes – or take them off, it’s less slippery!

19 Sunday Oct 2014

Posted by Haloquin in Dancing, Following Delight, Reflections

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

ATS, beauty, Belly dance, challenge, Commitment, Dancing, Dancing in Wales, Devotion, FatChanceBellyDance, gratitude, Journey, Living Life, Strangeness of Life, Tribal Unity

I’d like to share something I’m very excited about right now and the story of how I’ve found myself shimmying round my day-job-shop when customers aren’t looking!

I’ve always known that I wanted to dance, but could never find the right style.

As a child I tried tap dancing, in my teens I attempted a contemporary dance class – which I mostly remember as running from wall to wall, over and over, never quite got where that was going – throughout my life I’ve read Gabrielle Roth’s books over and over. I tried salsa, which I couldn’t get my feet round… In fact, the only thing that worked for me was whilst at uni when I would go out, step onto the dance floor as soon as the doors opened and only leave to down a pint of water before returning to the dance for as long as the music played.

Until now. Last spring I had five weeks of tribal belly dance classes in the Black Sheep style. The teacher, Lyza, became a friend of mine through connecting afterwards to share dancing. At that point I suspected it would be another phase. A subject I would be excited about for a month or two and then would fade into the background. A few core things have stuck with me long-term but many many other passions come and go. I was secretly certain this might be one of those…

But that excitement didn’t go away. I researched the histories of belly dance. I practised what little I’d learnt under my own steam. I kept hoping to return…

And then Wendy launched an ATS(r) class in March and I couldn’t go! It clashed with the teaching course I was on and the seminars I ran. I looked at it every week, waiting for the course to finish so I could join in. In June, finally, I walked through that door and into a new tribe, Tribal Unity Wales.

I dash to class each Tuesday with joy in my heart. No other hobby  has ever had me this excited. Just two months of dancing with Tribal Unity and I managed a fortnight camping and trekking round Amsterdam, bookended by two 16 hour coach journeys, without back pain. (It was our honeymoon, and yes, it was fab!)

And it has so many layers! There is crafting and aesthetics for costuming, researching history, learning new steps, the challenge of getting to grips with them, constant opportunities for improvement, performance, the endorphins of exercise, music, self-expression, the flow of energy, stories, community and friendship, shows to watch, events to explore, cultures to investigate… and there are many different styles to learn about (and perhaps learn one day).

With so much to play with it is no wonder I’ve found myself thinking about it almost constantly!

This Friday we performed at Lampeter’s World Dance festival. I made so many mistakes, almost fell over with soft shoes on a slippery floor, missed cues, got confused… and yet could not stop grinning. I loved it. Dancing with these lovely ladies, sharing something that has brought me so much delight and returned my strength, and challenging myself to improve all combined to fill me with delight. Tribal style belly dance has utterly enchanted me and I feel like I’ve come home.

Friday’s performance, my first time dancing in public:

The moral of this story? Keep looking, keep trying, keep putting that desire out there even when you don’t know exactly what it is you want. Eventually the Universe will bring you to precisely where you need to be. And even if you make mistakes and feel like it is all going wrong, it is still beautiful and the world doesn’t end! It is preparing you for what is to come next…

Dreaming Big before 30!

24 Sunday Aug 2014

Posted by Haloquin in Creative Process, Following Delight

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

challenge, Commitment, Completion, Journalling, Journey, Living Life, musings

This summer I moved house, got married and turned 29. Before this I presented my first aesthetics paper in a conference outside of my home-uni, in Hungary no less, had two philosophy pieces accepted for publication, three pieces of pagan related writing accepted for anthologies, and sold some art.

It’s been an exciting year. Re-enchantment really works!

Given that it’s my last year as a twenty-something I’ve decided to celebrate by setting myself some big challenges (because I enjoy making things happen) and attempting to match this year for excitement (which may be a tall order!) and I know they’re more likely to happen if I hold myself accountable, so…

Goals before I turn 30:

Publish 3 more pieces of philosophical writing

Finish the bulk of my PhD first draft (that’s about 50,000 words to write)

Visit 3 new places (preferably abroad)

Exhibit artworks twice (UPDATE: 1/2 done 27/09/14 – Art exhibition ‘A River of Animals‘ at the Confucius Institute in Lampeter’s 10th anniversary)

COMPLETED! Perform twice in public – storytelling, singing or something else! (UPDATE: 1/2 done 27/09/14 – Storytelling ‘A River of Animals’ at the Confucius Institute in Lampeter’s 10th anniversary UPDATE: 2/2 DONE! Dancing with Tribal Unity Wales at Lampeter World Dance Festival on Friday 17th October!)

Share my Fae work somehow – perhaps in a devotional book, a workshop or a talk?

Create a second Oracle Deck – Healing Hearts (which I’ve committed to anyway)

Learn to play 3 songs on the guitar that I can also sing to

They sound like a stretch, but an achievable one.

My plan to succeed? To combine projects. I’ve applied to perform animal stories at a local event where they would also exhibit some artworks. The Healing Hearts project will come with both stories to perform and art to exhibit, and writing my thesis leads to philosophical diversions which can be submitted for publication. And hopefully I can find places to perform, speak or present philosophy that I’ve never been to before. The guitar learning is just for fun 😉

So, who would like to exhibit some beautiful deity artworks? Who would like to host a storytelling evening? And who wants to hire me to talk to your group about faeries, enchantment and making life magic? Or do you know someone else who might want to host my work?

And who wants to share their goals? Who has a big dream (or three) for the next year and would like their declaration of intent witnessed? Comment below!

Map Making Step 7 – Daily Practice

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Enchanted, Magic

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Commitment, Devotion, Faery Queen, Feyhearted path, Living Life, Magic, reasons, Suggestions

Making Space and Time – Prioritising Enchantment

Since making my commitment I have lit a candle every day to honour the Queen of Faery and my chosen path. I have prayed for guidance on my path as an enchantress and made my first deliberate thought the intention to bring beauty, healing and delight to those around me.

Every time I do, I feel better. I feel the kiss of magic.

This is my second lesson;

Make space and time for enchantment.

After opening the day with a prayer to enchantment, over the following hours I find myself wondering what the most enchanting way of behaving in a situation is, how I can best embody ‘Enchantress’ in any given situation.

Often this happens after I’ve noticed myself being less than enchanting! Or when I’ve made an attempt but it was ignored, misunderstood or not noticed. When I berate myself for failure I feel worse, but when I recommit to my goals and make delight a priority I feel better in myself even when I don’t succeed in delighting anyone else.

My Third lesson, then;

Aim for enchantment, forgive yourself if you do not hit the moon!

Map-Making Step 1 – Prepare the Page

14 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Enchanted, Faery

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Beginnings, challenge, Commitment, Devotional, Enchantress, Faery, Faery Queen, Feyhearted path, Heart, Intent, Map, Strangeness of Life

For the past few years I’ve been picking my way down a dimly lit path through the forest, following a song just barely heard but so insistent it cannot be ignored.

Long time readers here have seen me return and return again to my attempts at drawing out the map of where I’ve been, where I need to go. I share because, in part, I discover and explore this path through writing and in part I feel compelled to share what I’ve found in case others find it helpful… and the few voices that have replied to tell me that seeing my sharings reassures them that they are not alone have reassured me in turn.

I wrote The Faery Heart as a guidebook to uncovering one’s Fae self, the magic of your heart. Pixie Kisses came from a project for enchanting your own life. Both start with the self and the home.

Now it is time to move outwards.

The seeds I’ve been planting in my own life, in the soil prepared by the work of self-discovery and making space for enchantment, are growing and I know of no better way to nurture, strengthen and develop the seedlings than to write and paint through the journey.

So here I go again. Sharing pieces of my work with you all here.

***

The new moon is breaking through the darkness. The ground is laid. The next stage of training the Enchantress must begin!

I have begun where I am.
(Where are you in your life?)

I have explored who I am.
(Who are you? What roles do you play? Who do you wish to be?)

I have made space for magic, for Faery, for Enchantment in my life.
(How can you make space in your life for enchantment?)

Each of these are continual steps, a never-ending process of self-discovery, of making space and of choosing the path again and again from where I am right now and I have reached a point where the foundation is strong enough for me to explore the landscape and share some of the map I am drawing. Not everything is shareable because some magics are a mystery and no two paths are the same but I can shine a light on the page and, perhaps, it will illuminate the road-name you have been searching for too.

May the map of a world enchanted help you to find your path to Faery and Home again!

My Office in the Sunshine

14 Saturday Jul 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Art Craft and Beauty, Creative Process, Following Delight

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Art Craft and Beauty, Commitment, creativity, Determination, gratitude, Imperfection, Living Life, musings, Strangeness of Life

My Office in the Sun

Ah! Life is Sweet!

Its a strange thing to find myself actually working from home. Taking my materials outside I craft in the sunshine and it is work. I am the owner of a business, fledgling as it is, a ‘Business-Woman’. This title I once felt I couldn’t claim for myself, I thought I was uncomfortable with the concept but I’ve realised this past month that the concept did not scare me, rather I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to accept the label for my own. As a registered, self-employed artist now I find the label fits comfortably and I’m excited to play with this new hat on!

Especially when it means I can justify sitting in the sunshine listening to the bees love the flowers!

A bumblebee loving a flower - picture

Why yes Mr. Bee, we can have a meeting now!

Strange how much it takes for us to feel justified doing the things we love…

Beading for a workshop - picture

The Tempest has snuck into every corner of my life… even my beading reflects a sea-theme.

A Pilgrimage to The Well and Waves

15 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Creative Process, Following Delight, Magic

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Commitment, Devotion, Faery Queen, Feyhearted path, Heart, Imperfection, inspirations, Intent, Journey, musings, Pilgrimage, process, Queenship, Strangeness of Life

I was called to travel with my friends on a pilgrimage, in search of my direction, my crown?

On the South West coast of Wales stands a cathedral where a flame of peace was to be lit, at a shrine behind which stood the Mother of Saint David, St. Non.

The Mother blesses those who ask it…

The cathedral was filled with light and pretty things, but empty for us. No magic danced in the colours which streamed from the windows. No nourishment in the food that lunchtime. This was not a place for us, though others were clearly blessed. 

From the hidden icon of the Mother, however, peace and love flowed.

We travelled further towards the sea, to St. Non’s Chapel, her Well, her Ruins, upon the windswept cliffs of Wales.

The sea rises into the air…

Processing down the slope, greeted by the Well and a choice. Do you choose the chapel, or the ruins? Civilisation or the wilds of the wind and waves?

We each presented ourselves to the well, blessed by her healing waters.

Here she lives…

We chose the sea path.

Passing through the stone circle of the ruins we separated, lead by the magic to where we belonged. I found myself above the waves, breathing the sea-mist, buffeted by winds.

I asked; what must I do to reach my dreams? How do I do what you have asked me to?

A seal appeared, carrying the song of the sea…

The Mother held me, rocked me, washed me clean until I walked, entranced, along the cliff to the chapel where I was crowned, unasked for, in buttercups.

A candle lit, a prayer spoken, respects paid. We explored the ruins. A place of power. And then, we returned, passing the Well with thanks. Washed clean and each transformed into more of who we are.

I wonder; what pilgrimage are you making, or would you choose to make, this year?

Musings on Queenship

12 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Faery, Following Delight, Magic, Philosophy, Queenship, Reflections

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Beginnings, challenge, Commitment, creativity, Determination, Faery, Faery Queen, Feyhearted path, Heart, inspirations, Journalling, Journey, musings, Queenship, Strangeness of Life

I was challenged, given a quest, to become Queen of my life. First I want to know what that means… so I asked. What does it mean to be queen? A Queen, but not to hold power over other people… to be sovereign in one’s own life, I suppose…

My studio. My temple. My Throne? Where I make magic, where life is understood, where change begins. Art allows me to be fully myself. When I paint, I come home. If being Queen is having sovereignty over one’s life, then this must be the heart of my realm.

What would it mean to be Queen?

Queen of my life? My heart, my art?

A Queen rules her realm

My realm is my self

A self, a realm, a life.

To rule

To lead

To protect

To hold within all that belongs to one…

I rule my self.

Queen of my life, my heart, my art.

There is space for what I love

And I am responsible for making what I wish come true.

No waiting for another.

I am Queen of my life.

Whatever I wish

I must command it so.

No other may

No other can

In my realm

I am the sun, the moon, the stars

And each who I encounter is sovereign in their realm,

As I am in mine.

I rule my self.

Queen of my life, my heart, my art.

I hold the power of my realm

Only I

I choose

I cause

I create

An Offering – Mini-Create with Care Workbook!

13 Sunday May 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Art Craft and Beauty, Creative Process, Following Delight

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Art Craft and Beauty, challenge, Commitment, creativity, Faery, inspirations, Living Life, process, Tools

Create With Care Mini-Workbook

Click to sign-up to my list to receive the Mini-workbook…

Hello Folk!

You might have seen my recent post inspired by Creating With Care in which I talk about the reasons why creative folk would be best off respecting nature when we work. It can be tricky to work out how we are to do that however, so I’ve crafted a mini-workbook to help, which I offer here for your enjoyment 🙂

All you need to do is click the image in this post and you’ll be guided through a process which signs you up to my newsletter and delivers the link for you to download the mini-workbook all ready for you to print in colour or black and white, complete with tips and instructions to help you get the most out of it!

I’m excited to be able to offer this mini-book and I’d love to hear what you think 🙂

In Delight,,

~Halo x

Creating with Care

07 Monday May 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Art Craft and Beauty, Creative Process

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Art Craft and Beauty, Commitment, musings, Philosophy, reasons, Suggestions

Recently I stumbled across a very shiny project called Create With Care.

It was about looking at our art-making practices and challenging ourselves to clean up our acts… our creativity is often inspired by the natural world, our lives depend upon it and our very materials come from the earth. Without  big ol’ Mother Nature we creative folk (and that’s all of us) would be in very dire straits indeed!

I wandered into the party a little late (as usual!) and was just in time to send in some afterthoughts on why exactly we should strive to be aware of what we do – especially when we’re being creative – which Yaga kindly published… and I was inspired to put together a mini-workbook on the topic too. Sign up to my newsletter to get it when it appears!

My thoughts on the topic ran like this…

Our world is built on technology which has grown through a belief that the world is here for us to use as we wish. This belief has lead to clear-cutting of forests, polluted skies, oceans of plastic, extinction and genocide. As folk who are inspired by nature, who are connected to the most fundamental and natural human instinct after survival – creation – we can see how clearly this disconnection has cost us and we can show the world. We are capable of inspiring others to care for and protect and respect the world around us. This respect is what might, ultimately, save us and the land we live on.

If we are to do this, however, don’t we need to do our best to take this respect into the very practices that we love so much?

Read the rest over at Shiny Bubbles!

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And for the over 18s… My alter-ego, Ms Quin, writes erotica, kinky poetry, on sacred sexuality and the like. You can explore some of Her writings and poetry readings, and find her sexy book of poetry via links at Twisted Ms Quin.

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