• Home
  • Blog
  • Red Witchcraft
    • Join The Crimson Coven
    • BOOK: Crimson Craft – sexual magic for the solo witch
    • Magical Retreats – online intensives
    • Apprentice with Me
  • Learn Magic
    • Workshops, Talks, & Rituals
    • Apprentice with Me
    • Mentoring
    • Become a Patron
  • Other Offerings
  • Books
    • BOOK: Your Faery Magic
    • BOOK: Gods and Goddesses of Wales
    • BOOK: All That Glitters
    • BOOK: TWISTED
    • BOOK: Folktales, Faeries, and Spirits
    • BOOK: Crimson Craft – sexual magic for the solo witch
    • Resources for My Readers
  • Storytelling
    • See me at…
  • Music
  • Poetry

Halo Quin

~ Author, storyteller, singer-songwriter, witch

Tag Archives: Determination

After the Tower, The Star Rises

13 Wednesday Dec 2017

Posted by Haloquin in Enchanted, Magic, Poetry, Reflections

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bard, dance, Determination, disability, Imperfection, Journalling, Living Life, Magic, musings, Poetry, process, Strangeness of Life, Tarot

Two violet booklets with a butterfly emerging from a crysalis depicted on the cover, on a wooden surface. Title: "Showing My Hand: a Poet's Tarot, by Halo Quin".

XVII: Star

Tell me,
my dreams,
which of you are true?
Which celestial spark points North
and leads me to my cave,
my court,
my stage?
And which is the lighthouse,
warning of the shallows
where sirens live?
Where do the rivers
of sleep lead?

 

 

In the spring of this year, I fell apart.

Some wonderful things happened. Some hard. I railed against the limitations I felt caged by. I explored ways of finding and making space.

The wheel turned, and everything changed. And nothing changed.

A birds-eye view of a lit, large cream candle, lighting a stainless steel pen and a journal page with a quote "the best way to predict the future is to create it." and a purple ribbon bookmark.The trick to magical manifestation, I have always found, is to be clear on what you truly desire. When everything you’re holding together begins to fall apart, struck by lightning perhaps, you can no longer ignore the cracks. When beautiful things appear in your life they highlight the parts you’ve allowed to become stagnant.

 

Under the light of the stars, I find my clarity. I have stories to share, of how I became an accidental published poet, and discovered I’ve always been a Bard. I joined an Order, which makes me chuckle, and I’ve learned that I really am wired differently to the majority of people. And finally, finally, I can see a path ahead for my studies. I’ve wandered for several years without direction, buried under the weight of my thesis despite my gratitude for the opportunity. And now, perhaps, I’ve chosen a destination…

 

An altar lit by a bright lantern-candle in the dark, outside, with apples and drinking cup barely visible.And I’ve found a way to dance again! I can no longer dance for hours every week in ATS Belly Dance, but I can strap my knees and back up (corsetry is surprisingly useful for this!), indulge in some spirits, and relax into freeform dancing as long as I listen to my body.

There is light in the darkness, always, and always more tales to tell.

 

 

Limitations of Flesh

27 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by Haloquin in Dancing, Magic

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

challenge, choice, Commitment, dance, Determination, disability, gratitude, growth, hope, Imperfection, injury, Journey, learning, life, Living Life, Magic, moment, musings, paganism, process, spirits, Strangeness of Life

My knees are burning. My back is cramping. Tears stream down my cheeks in frustration. All I want to do is dance again. To move. To feel alive.

Wall of blank.

Exhaustion rises up, fog descends.

My mantra: I am lucky. This is temporary. This too shall pass.

I don’t believe it.

My body tells me that all there is is Now. Now is all. It might be correct.

I curl up on the floor. Empty.

I catch my breath. Numb.

Noticing, with strange detachment, that the world has become distant. That I’ve been a quiet automaton for hours, days… perhaps longer.

I breathe myself back into my body. Back into my feet. Back into the burning, aching flesh.

At least I feel alive.

I notice. Even restrained, even with the limits of movement, even with the fog and frustration, Here and Now, if I can keep my self in my belly, in my feet, in my hands, in my flesh… I can breathe and expand. The deeper into the flesh I go, the deeper into the magic. The deeper into the world I sink, the more I can expand, the more I am aware of. Oh it hurts, yes, but with each breath is life. With each prickly of goosebumps the wild spirits brush my skin with fingertips, tentacles, lips dripping in nectar.

The more present I am, the more present I am with Them. The gods stand behind me, the ancestors whisper in my ear, the spirits draw near. I can feel my edges, raise my shields, let down my hair, call out the cry of a Witch in the night.

The deeper into my body I can stay, when all my instincts are to flee, to float into painless disconnection, the closer the magic is.

Her and Now. Here and Now at the crossroads of every moment. Here and Now is where the web of Wyrd is woven, where the Power lies.

 

I am lucky, this too shall pass, this too shall return to the Fertile Darkness from whence it came, I am lucky, there are lessons here, if I can just stop running, just be Here and Now.

And in the stillness, I dance.

Dance and the cane…

20 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by Haloquin in Creative Process, Dancing, Following Delight

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ATS, Belly dance, Dancing, delight, Determination

At the beginning of the summer I did a duet, using moves that are designed for 4/4 time to a waltz no less. It was wonderful. It felt amazing. It looked gorgeous. I’d been dancing ATS for only just over a year. (Just goes to show what a good teacher I have!)

I am, rightly so, proud.

The work I’ve put in shows. The dedication. The love. And it has given me as much back in return. A tribe. Health and strength and joy. An understanding that I can.

I’m a dancer.

That video was taken at the start of the summer. Two weeks ago I bought a walking stick. A wooden cane. For, you know, walking with. Because my ankle began to strain and my knees became stupid, inflamed, burny joints of ouch.

Not impressed.

And frustrated… why is it that I’ve finally begun to reach a level where I can be properly proud of dancing and suddenly I have mobility issues again? I spent years (literally years) working to heal a back that stopped me being able to function properly and the dance took the pain away.

Now? Dancing aggravates it. But while I dance I feel so much better. I can dance across the dance floor (for a while at least) more easily than I can walk. I almost cried in frustration today. And yet I know I’ll keep going, I know this will pass… I just have to lace up my boots and strap up my knees and keep dancing until I’m strong again. And be grateful that I can.

My Office in the Sunshine

14 Saturday Jul 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Art Craft and Beauty, Creative Process, Following Delight

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Art Craft and Beauty, Commitment, creativity, Determination, gratitude, Imperfection, Living Life, musings, Strangeness of Life

My Office in the Sun

Ah! Life is Sweet!

Its a strange thing to find myself actually working from home. Taking my materials outside I craft in the sunshine and it is work. I am the owner of a business, fledgling as it is, a ‘Business-Woman’. This title I once felt I couldn’t claim for myself, I thought I was uncomfortable with the concept but I’ve realised this past month that the concept did not scare me, rather I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to accept the label for my own. As a registered, self-employed artist now I find the label fits comfortably and I’m excited to play with this new hat on!

Especially when it means I can justify sitting in the sunshine listening to the bees love the flowers!

A bumblebee loving a flower - picture

Why yes Mr. Bee, we can have a meeting now!

Strange how much it takes for us to feel justified doing the things we love…

Beading for a workshop - picture

The Tempest has snuck into every corner of my life… even my beading reflects a sea-theme.

Musings on Queenship

12 Tuesday Jun 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Faery, Following Delight, Magic, Philosophy, Queenship, Reflections

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Beginnings, challenge, Commitment, creativity, Determination, Faery, Faery Queen, Feyhearted path, Heart, inspirations, Journalling, Journey, musings, Queenship, Strangeness of Life

I was challenged, given a quest, to become Queen of my life. First I want to know what that means… so I asked. What does it mean to be queen? A Queen, but not to hold power over other people… to be sovereign in one’s own life, I suppose…

My studio. My temple. My Throne? Where I make magic, where life is understood, where change begins. Art allows me to be fully myself. When I paint, I come home. If being Queen is having sovereignty over one’s life, then this must be the heart of my realm.

What would it mean to be Queen?

Queen of my life? My heart, my art?

A Queen rules her realm

My realm is my self

A self, a realm, a life.

To rule

To lead

To protect

To hold within all that belongs to one…

I rule my self.

Queen of my life, my heart, my art.

There is space for what I love

And I am responsible for making what I wish come true.

No waiting for another.

I am Queen of my life.

Whatever I wish

I must command it so.

No other may

No other can

In my realm

I am the sun, the moon, the stars

And each who I encounter is sovereign in their realm,

As I am in mine.

I rule my self.

Queen of my life, my heart, my art.

I hold the power of my realm

Only I

I choose

I cause

I create

Dream to reality…

08 Sunday Apr 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Art Craft and Beauty, Creative Process, Following Delight, Magic

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Art Craft and Beauty, Beginnings, Commitment, creativity, Determination, Feyhearted path, gratitude, Intent, Living Life, musings, process, Strangeness of Life

A month ago I posted about my longing for room to paint… since then I have cleared a corner in my living room where I can prop a large canvas and give my wings space to stretch and it worked! I made space and the expanses of colour I’ve been dreaming of became possible!

Image: A small space and a large artwork in progress
A work in progress filling the space…


Suddenly it felt easier to breathe into my art-making, to relax into it without a sense of constricting and confining what I make. Working on a small scale became easier too. I created the final three cards for the Faery oracle deck I’ve been working on directly onto the cards as I travelled.

Image: Faery Oracle Card

Tiny pictures completing the set...

And then, this Full Moon, I had an unexpected phonecall.

An offer of a space in a shared studio, in the centre of the town I work in!

A collective of artists, a light, airy space, a new project with room to grow…

How could I say no to the perfect opportunity?!

I am so excited to see where this leads next…

As I learn again and again; when I say yes to what I truly want, it comes to me.

What do you need to say yes to today?

Longing for space…

02 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Haloquin in Creative Process, Following Delight, Reflections

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Art Craft and Beauty, challenge, creativity, Determination, Feyhearted path, Imperfection, Living Life, Magic, musings, process, Strangeness of Life

Pink Winged being flying

Can I spread my wings and allow myself to be bigger than I am already? Can I keep growing and exploring and playing? Can I afford to keep playing small? Can you?

Something in this post by Pixie has cracked my heart.

I gazed at the images of her filling her new space, of her Pandora’s box and giant thirsty canvasses, and my breath caught in my throat.

I’ve long longed to spread colour on larger canvasses, to have a bright space full of sunshine and shelves and drawers and places to put my paints within easy reach… I’ve long kept my artworks small because my living space seemed to require it.

But what if that isn’t so?

What if that cannot be so?

What if I can spread out and create the space I need in this wonderful home of ours?

What if I only think I cannot spread my wings out as far as I wish to?

What if my thinking small, my playing small, is the only thing keeping me that way?

Maybe I’ll try a bigger canvas and decide it isn’t for me… but I have everything to lose by never trying… and much to gain if I do.

Time to stop waiting for the right time.

Open, Breathe, Remember.

Facing Fears

06 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by Haloquin in Following Delight

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

challenge, Determination, Devotional, Facing fears, gratitude, Imperfection, Living Life, Magic, Music, Singing

Today I opened Pandora’s box and sang on stage.

Pandora's Box by JW Waterhouse

When we look in the dark corner of our minds we find spells woven by ourselves and the people around us - our friends are the ones who help us break the spells that hold us back and weave new webs of wonder. Open the box and face it with friends.

Not only did I sing on stage – I pushed for the chance to do so.

I was terrified.

And afterwards… people were supportive. No one laughed at me (though I think I made a few people giggle at my antics), the world didn’t end (though it might have crumbled a little round the edges) and I feel proud of myself.

The reason I could do this when my self-belief was shattered long ago by people I trusted? Dear friends who have helped me rebuild my confidence. And one particular person who faced her own, rather similar demon with me.

When we face demons together, we can conquer them.

When we spend time with people who put us down, the demons grow, even where there weren’t any before.

The people we spend time with are important.

Who in your life binds you with your fears? Who builds your demons up because of their own? And who stands by you, helping you to break the spells that hold you back?

Who in your life helps you to enchant your world for the better?

We enchant ourselves and each other with our words, its up to us to choose which enchantments we’ll accept in our lives, and which we will break.

I will be singing to an audience again… with gratitude to the people in recent years who have helped me break the chains that bound my wings.

Who stands by your side and helps you fly? They’re your true friends, know them well.

What happens when you’re honest?

29 Friday Jul 2011

Posted by Haloquin in Following Delight, Magic, Reflections

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Beginnings, choice, Commitment, creativity, Determination, gratitude, Heart, Honesty, Living Life, Magic, process, Strangeness of Life

Open your ears and listen. Take a breath and leap. Be vulnerable and open... and the world will respond in kind. This is magic.

The world fills with beauty.

I wrote a post last week about taking a risk and being open about myself in a situation where I’d normally have translated my language and edited things to hide those parts of my life which I fear rejection for…

This past fortnight I have practised not hiding those parts anymore…

I sang long and loud and in front of people, even when I messed it up…

I shared my dreams of pursuing a magic-based business… and openly claimed the title ‘Enchantress’ in front of ‘normal people’…

I spoke my truth, and got excited about the things I love…

And it worked.

No one reacted with derision. People asked questions, shared stories, made connections.

And I got even more excited and finally found some clarity on how to bring my passions together.

Magic happens when you’re honest, when you take a risk and open up…

What are you hiding from the world because you’re scared? What would happen if you shared it with the people around you?

What magic happens in the vulnerability of honesty?

 

What matters to you?

19 Tuesday Jul 2011

Posted by Haloquin in Following Delight, Reflections

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Beginnings, Determination, Heart, Honesty, Intent, Journey, Living Life, musings, Philosophy, process, Strangeness of Life

This week I’ve had the fortune to get on a management and leadership course, which began yesterday.

The organiser was talking to us about how the most important thing that comes out of the course is the connections you make (when is that not the case?!) and that this newly forming network can lead to opportunities.

It reminded me of a very simple fact – if I hide what truly matters to me and only share with the group the parts of my passions which I consider safe to be shared, like my desire to lecture in Philosophy, then that will be the only area in which opportunities can open.

The only way to follow all of my loves is to allow them all to be present in my interactions with people.

A scary thing, for me, to be risk being seen as nutty… but if I don’t take the risk, the doors won’t open even if they’re there. And if I hide the pagan elements in my life in case people reject me, or my love of art and music because I’m being ‘serious’ and I’m shy about sharing those things with strangers in person, then the opportunities that come up in the areas I am open about won’t allow room for those things either.

So I ask myself, and you, what matters so much that you’ll take a risk and speak openly of it in order to invite it further into your life?

Whats worth the risk?

← Older posts

Beauty ~ Magic ~ Delight

Re-enchanting the world, one story, one song, one spell, at a time.

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,731 other subscribers
Join the Crimson Coven - button

Toss a Coin to your Witch

If you like my work, you can help with costs (and keep me fueled with tea & cake) with a tip via ko-fi, it all helps! Thank you!

If you like what I write then please do consider supporting me as a Patron here.

Thank you to my Patreon Patrons for your support!

Blog at WordPress.com.

  • Follow Following
    • Halo Quin
    • Join 124 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Halo Quin
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...