I’m an artist! Yay!
I make pictures and share them with people…
And I get sad that they are never quite what was in my head.
I’m an artist! Yay!
I make pictures and share them with people…
And I get sad that they are never quite what was in my head.
Being pagan and loving the earth, its worth making sure you’re connected to it before any kind of magical act… as embodied beings we are made of earth, we walk upon her, we eat what grows on her, and we will one day be buried in her.
Being human, its worth making sure you’re connected to the earth!
Standing in the snow in my pyjamas as the clouds lining the sky lightened with dawn, I breathed in the beauty of the Solstice morn.
I gazed at the orange sky above, lit by streetlamps, and smiled at the branches, dark under the snow. I used to climb this tree with a book, just to spend time in its branches.
The sun is beginning its yearly return today, and though its cold and dark now, I know that each night will be shorter, each day longer… much as I love the night, I appreciate being able to walk home from work in daylight!
I’m thinking about goals, desires, choices.
I’m thinking about the movement from the dark into the light…
I understand now how thoughts slowly germinate in the dark, projects and understandings mull over in the depths of my mind until they rise into the light and a decision is made…
Its a slow process, knowing deep down what must be done, and waiting for that deep knowing to become strong enough to grow into choice and action.
It took five years of knowing that I would become vegetarian to actually doing it, because that knowing had to seep into my bones, had to become right on every level, had to become so ingrained in me that my conscious mind accepted it. There are ways to speed this process up, magic, spellworking, NLP, the ‘One Command’… and there is also space for this process to slowly unfold within me. Sometimes, this is the right way.
I am often impatient, and I am finally coming to know, in my bones, that its ok for things to take time, to become strong before they are exposed to the light. If that choice to become vegetarian hadn’t rooted in my bones, I’d have crumbled in the first week when I had to face family and travel and a funeral. If I don’t nurture that hope, that I express but cannot yet state, until it is so strong I cannot deny it, then it will fade in the harsh light of day.
Sometimes things can be acted on right away. Sometimes they need to germinate. And sometimes they germinate for too long and never grow.
Its a fine balance.
I hope I get it right.
How do you do it?
For something to enter your life, there must be space for it.
For enchantment to enter your life, you must make space to be enchanted.
So lets make space. Lets make our space enchanting. Lets provide a home in our hearts and our houses for the Fae to dance…
A new project you say? Really???
Yes. I’m going to be posting some of my philosophy essays and writings online at a new blog. In order to keep things simple, I’m going to post the beginnings of those posts here also, and if you like the look of it you are welcome to follow the link to the rest of the essay.
For example… I have written an introductory post explaining why I called this blog ‘Academic Edgewalker’. If you would like to read more click here.
The reasons for this are twofold. Firstly the occasional person has requested a closer look at what I’ve written in these essays. Secondly, the idea terrifies me. I wrote most of whats going on here initially over the four years of my undergraduate degree, and some of them are very weird, some of them are rubbish, and some of them ended in conclusions which run contrary to my actual opinions (or they at least appear to). Its also a risk to put them out there, not only because people might actually read them (which is possible) and think they’re wrong, rubbish or offensive (thats their opinion) but also because part of me would quite like to be an academic, and linking my academic thoughts to my less academic ideas (like the Faery heart project, I mean, what logic lets you believe in faeries, really?) might get me in trouble there.
But, you know, life is short, and I’m either going to be myself, or I’m going to hide and be sad. So, sod that for a laugh. If it gets me laughed at, then I can laugh too, I have written some pretty silly things. If it means I’m seen as unfit for academia, then maybe I don’t actually want to be involved in academia anyway. And if my friends read these and think I’m crazy, well, they know that anyway and still love me. So whats to lose?
And you know what, I’ve actually got some logic that’ll let me argue that believing in Faeries is rational. Maybe one day I’ll share it!
Sometimes, our hearts sing.
Sometimes, although the sound may not be clear, and our skill may not be great, sometimes we take a chance and share.
Sometimes, we sing love songs to our ladies, and we know they listen.
Some times, we share our songs in the hopes that somewhere, some time, some one is out there singing too.
(Be gentle, I’m not interested in technical critique, just the spirit of sharing. Thank you.)
The day begins, the sun dawns, the light streams into the world. We have decided to make space for our heart, for faery, and in making this choice our heart has opened, just a little… but we’re unsure.
At work, at school, moving through the world we live our every day in, we find ourselves wondering just how we can see what belongs in our heart, and what can be left behind, or kept only as a useful mask or tool, to wear and use but not to become too attached to.
We remember the stories, the stories of faery.
We remember our childhood walks, the moments where, just on the edge of our vision, we would catch a glimpse of the Fey Ones, shining and soft, sharp and powerful, caring and dangerous and ever so wild, Oh! Always, ever so, ever so Wild!
And you realise… Who else could help us find our Wild Faery hearts but the ever-beautiful Queen of the Faeries?
The moment comes upon you, sneaks up on you, dances towards you silently like an invisible sacred temple dancer… the moment where you realise, you can hear her voice. Her voice, calling you. The Faery Queen. She remembers you. She wants you to come home. She waits for you.
It is your choice, now, she offers an invitation, will you answer?
Will you follow the Faery Queen’s song?
Will you accept her invitation to see with Faery Vision, to see the untamed beauty of the world, to see to the heart of things?
Choose, and, as soon as you can, take a walk.
Breathe deeply as you walk, really feel your feet on the floor, really notice the world around you.
Breathe it all in.
Take a walk with the intention of opening to the fey.
Say with your footsteps; Faery Queen, I accept!
Search out somewhere that feels like magic, full of delight and a sense of wildness. I went to the edge of a forest, you might go to the top of a mountain, or to a fountain in the middle of your city, or maybe catch a train and watch the fields swish by.
Find somewhere that feels RIGHT.
And ask the Faery Queen to open your eyes, to wake you up.
Breathe deeply and let yourself open.
If you are unsure, or not ready, then accept this and promise yourself you will return when you are ready.
But if you breathe deep, truly ready, she will open your faery eyes, open your heart, and let you see.
All you need do is ask.
The alarm clock wakes us, we wait, for just a moment on the edge of sleep, warm and safe, dreams close by…
Our eyes open just a crack and the light seeps in, sunlight pouring through the chink in the curtains.
We realise, in that moment before we surrender to the reality that we must arise and wash and work and go about our day, that what would make this day more beautiful, more ours, is having a little space to let our hearts peek out, seep out into the world like the sunshine filters in. We decide, in that moment, to make space for our hearts in our lives.
If we want to know our true hearts, and to let them shine into the world, then we need to make space for them in our lives. One good way to do this is to find or make something plain (ish), but in a shape that warms your heart, and to then slowly decorate it and fill it with things representing what is in your heart.
I suggest you begin to look for this HeartSpace, some kind of container, a bag or a box maybe, which you can put things in and take things out of to remind yourself of what is in your heart.
Choose or design your Heart Space, this space for your heart in your life. Think of it, if you like, as an alter, a reminder and a way of honouring what you find on this path. Because your heart is always changing, the contents and perhaps decorations will be constantly shifting… but it should always reflect what you know of your heart.
I also recommend finding a small mirror (which you may, or may not, include or put into your HeartSpace) as this will be invaluable for future Play, and some kind of notebook or space which you can record your jounrey with. Think of it as a travel journal.
Personally I intend to make cards for each stage, and will share suggestions for this process as we go, so that I have a deck of cards, ever evolving, with which I can further explore what I discover.
What are Faeries?
What is ‘Fey’?
If we look at the stories of faeries, all the myths and legends, we see a common theme; they are all very strongly connected to, or embodying, nature. They are not, however, merely the plants or trees or forces which they embody, they are beings which are inherently magical, beyond limits.
Humans are lured into Faery by beauty. Beautiful music, beautiful visions, beautiful food. And this beauty, once we return to earth, we pine for. So Faeryland is that place within the world, and ourselves, in which the sense of magic, wonder and beauty lies, the natural core of our being. Our Heart.
If our hearts, at their untamed core, are places of beauty and magic, then surely following the call to faery will open our hearts again to the beauty of the world? If we learn to touch the Fey parts of ourselves then we can move through our lives open to the beauty that surrounds us.
And, of course, we recall the other parts of the stories… the wilder parts… the dangerous parts…
In our heart we are natural beings, we have learnt really wonderful human skills like Compassion and language, but in our search for order we have tried to tame our Selves, and instead we have locked them away. And these parts of ourselves hurt, so we, inside, die a little each day.
Here we choose to walk down a path that will lead us back to the parts within us which we truly are. We seek all our parts, those that are good at communication, at compassion, and those that are good at standing up for ourselves and being Free.
Fey means free. Free of the locks we’ve used to keep ourselves acceptable, and free to choose to move in Compassion and beauty. Fey means to be free to be our Selves, to live our lives without unhealthy compromises, to dance to faery music so we are filled with love and joy and deep feelings even in a business meeting or a busy, grimy underground train.
Fey means so full of shiny, happy, beauty, that you cannot help but share it.
We look for our hearts, and when we live with them open, in the world, we are not only happier in ourselves, but we share some of that light with everyone around us. We need to be true to ourselves, and we need to live with others. I believe, with all my heart, that being true to ourselves will help us to be with others.
The world is getting greyer by the day, look at the people around you. I hope they are happy, but I fear they are not. Our world needs a resurgence of open hearts, shared beauty and joy. So let us join those that already search for their hearts. Let us walk this path into Faery so that we can return with our hearts and fill the world with colour again!
Music calls you.
Gently, insistently, just beyond the edges of your hearing, beautiful music.
The softest voice whispers in your heart, saying, Now is The Time.
You catch yourself halfway out the door, your feet followed your heart before your mind realised there was a journey to take.
Grab your coat, pick up a mirror, and walk with me.
We go to find our hearts, we go to find the heart of faery.