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Standing in the snow in my pyjamas as the clouds lining the sky lightened with dawn, I breathed in the beauty of the Solstice morn.

I gazed at the orange sky above, lit by streetlamps, and smiled at the branches, dark under the snow. I used to climb this tree with a book, just to spend time in its branches.

The sun is beginning its yearly return today, and though its cold and dark now, I know that each night will be shorter, each day longer… much as I love the night, I appreciate being able to walk home from work in daylight!

I’m thinking about goals, desires, choices.

I’m thinking about the movement from the dark into the light…

I understand now how thoughts slowly germinate in the dark, projects and understandings mull over in the depths of my mind until they rise into the light and a decision is made…

Its a slow process, knowing deep down what must be done, and waiting for that deep knowing to become strong enough to grow into choice and action.

It took five years of knowing that I would become vegetarian to actually doing it, because that knowing had to seep into my bones, had to become right on every level, had to become so ingrained in me that my conscious mind accepted it. There are ways to speed this process up, magic, spellworking, NLP, the ‘One Command’… and there is also space for this process to slowly unfold within me. Sometimes, this is the right way.

I am often impatient, and I am finally coming to know, in my bones, that its ok for things to take time, to become strong before they are exposed to the light. If that choice to become vegetarian hadn’t rooted in my bones, I’d have crumbled in the first week when I had to face family and travel and a funeral. If I don’t nurture that hope, that I express but cannot yet state, until it is so strong I cannot deny it, then it will fade in the harsh light of day.

Sometimes things can be acted on right away. Sometimes they need to germinate. And sometimes they germinate for too long and never grow.

Its a fine balance.

I hope I get it right.

How do you do it?

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