The Forest, The Dark Mother and Elephant snot (part 3)

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Valli the Temple Elephant

An elephant's trunk is rough like stone... and its blessing is sticky!

A three-part story of a pilgrimage to The Community of the Many Names of God – Skanda Vale, part 3. Find part 1 here and part 2 here.

It was dark, night had fallen and I thought that Valli the elephant would be asleep for the night.

J, N, P and I walked past the door to Valli’s home, and P told us the story of how she gives blessings for treats as one of the Monks darted past us with a bag of carrots… and opened the door to her home.

“Would you like a Blessing?” He asked us.

I was in awe. She was huge and beautiful and had such presence. How could we say no?

She brushed my hair with her trunk and held it out for the carrot.

“Now that wasn’t a very good blessing Valli,” said the man, “try again”.

She placed the end of her trunk on my head… and SNORTED!

Ew! Covered in Elephant snot!

Queue peals of giggles and wiping with tissues. Valli got her carrot and I had a definite blessing! No-one else got snotted, so I feel honoured, if dubiously.

As we entered the forest to return downhill the sense of the land Spirit/s returned and, again, I was filled with Bliss. I wished the lights were off so we could walk through the forest in the darkness and feel Them more strongly. N turned to ask me how I was doing and, before I could tell them my wish, the lights blinked out leaving the path lit by the Full Moon’s light! Divine!

The curry, made from the food donated to the Temple and blessed in the Puja’s by the Gods, was heavenly too. Very, very spicy. As P says; ‘Religion is delicious.’

Its a fascinating place, Skanda Vale. Multifaith but primarily Hindu in form. Is it right to go and attend the Puja’s if the god-forms are not the ones you connect with most strongly? Is it cultural tourism to go to somewhere like this and participate when we don’t worship Kali at home? Is it ok that I see Her as a form of the Dark mother, who I do worship, and that I enter the Pujas with respect while seeing Kali as part of a larger form? I’m both a hard Polytheist and a believer that all is one. The faces of the Dark mother are an interface for her AND each Dark Mother Goddess is a being in her own right. She may not claim me, but I respect Kali and participating in her Puja’s move me, touch me, effect me in ways I appreciate.

As long as we enter into these relationships with respect and honour, following the rules of the Temple and the Gods and we hold a space in our hearts for these beings, then is it wrong?

Skanda Vale is a special place, deliberately open as a multi-faith space. Believing that all gods are, ultimately, the faces of The Divine. Protecting life where they can, offering connection to those that come with right-mind. In such a place as this to enter with respect and love – Perfect Love and Perfect Trust – is right, even when the Hindu Gods may not be your primary pantheon.

 

The Forest, The Dark Mother and Elephant snot (part 2)

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Mother Kali

The Dark Mother is present and adored.

A three-part story of a pilgrimage to The Community of the Many Names of God – Skanda Vale, part 2. Part 1 lives here.

We were refused entry. Two of us, J and N, had not observed the obligatory vegetarianism and so knew they’d be watching from the terrace of the temple. But P and I had. As a full moon Puja it was more full than usual and so, there was no room for us!

Things will be as they will be.

The terrace is seperated from the main Temple room only by double doors and a wall with windows. A screen shows Kali throughout the Puja. The doors are open and the terrace is still part of the Temple.

I got as far as the door, the last female at the gates, and was told no.

Interesting.

As we sat and sang and rocked and prayed I let my ego roll the wound around my mind – Rejection! Rejection! it shouted. I waited until it calmed down and breathed through the disappointment. So close…

And then we came to a place where we could share in the place we were, my Ego and I.

Things will be as they will be.

Perhaps it was just as well – I had space to breathe, to move and avoid the pain of siting still for nearly 3 hours. I had space to breathe, to take in what I was able to and not be overwhelmed by the echoes of the burn-out from the pilgrimage I’d made there last. I had space to breathe, and to remember the place I find myself in many rituals – always on the edge.

At the last of Her Pujas I sat in the doorway.

Many many rituals I have ended up on the edge of the circle, holding the space, walking the boundary.

In my chosen career I walk the edges of acceptability – Philosophy does not look kindly upon Faeries.

In my religious traditions I tend to have to find my own way – neither dark nor light but both and neither.

On the edge.

I laughed and cried and sang and rocked and prayed. I smiled at the children who ran round the terrace. I searched for the words in the prayer book to try to understand. I made an offering of my pain and my singing to Her and I asked for her to destroy those blocks that no longer serve me. Those blocks that hold me back. Gladly, like the whirling scythe at harvest time, I felt her dance through me. I gave them to her. We’ll see if I try to claw them back again!

Shivering from the cold kiss of winter I entered the warm temple-room in the space allowed for the pilgrims to present themselves to Kali. I washed myself in her flame, knelt to her and accepted the blessings of sacred ash and colour and food that washed the body of the Goddess.

Time passed faster in the terrace than it had passed for me in the Temple room last time I was there.

Dealing with the disappointment and the cold and the strange experience of finding myself on the edge again was a good thing.

What will be, will be.

I really did not expect what happened when we left the Temple to join the other pilgrims in eating blessed curry…

The Forest, The Dark Mother and Elephant snot (part 1)

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Skanda Vale Forest

The land is alive around us...

A three-part story of a pilgrimage to The Community of the Many Names of God – Skanda Vale.

Four of us walked through the darkening forest, a reddening full moon rising over the horizon as raindrops dripped upon our brows.

The trees were full of magic, the Spirit and spirits of the land – I could feel them around us, moving swiftly, watching.

I last stood on this land after an early morning Puja to Her, several years past. I’d stayed at Skanda Vale for two days with a friend and we’d been to every Puja each day. I was burnt out. The lack of sleep, the intensity of devotion-devotion-devotion in a language I did not really understand, the immense amounts of vegetarian curry (very tasty but not my normal diet!). We’d planned to stay a further day. I left that morning and said, even then, that I’d love to go back to visit the land if only I didn’t have to go to the Pujas too.

Last night, as I walked through that forest, I remembered why I fell in love with the land there.

Somewhere so alive my skin tingled and my heart overflowed with joy.

The twilight filtered through the trees and lit the way. I felt blessed to be able to feel the life that flowed through that place, recognising that the work I’ve been doing to open my awareness is not without success. I once thought myself as psychically sensitive as a brick, unable to sense the magic in the world around me. Now I step onto devoted land and almost fall over. Take heart, the things you long for can be developed over time.

I grinned the whole walk up through that beautiful, haunting forest and wondered what the Dark Mother, in the Dark time of the year, under a Dark Full Moon would share with us at the Temple that evening.

Skanda Vale’s site is here… and parts 2 and 3 of the story will be posted soon…

The Stillness in the Turning

(Painting from Samhain)

Staring into the Stillness - the dark brings a time for reflection and stillness has often eluded me; this winter I shall seek stillness out. What are you searching for?

Samhain, Halloween, All Saints’…

The turning of the year from light to darkness.

In the midst of the celebrations, the magic, the movement, is a point of stillness. The balance point before everything changes direction.

I don’t do being still very well, the turning began and the still point came and I didn’t understand what was happening. What should I be doing?! I cried. And then I realised; this is the point of balance, the stillness, the moment when all time stands still. And I did the only thing I knew how to do with stillness… I danced with the stillness in painting.

Before this… The ritual I assisted at was preceded by an hour long obstruction instead of the preparation time expected. Finally I stood still in confrontation without that overflowing of the oceans which spill themselves as tears. I surprised myself by remaining calm, drawing on the stillness that resides within.

The year-wheel tipped into motion again and the week following Halloween was filled with sparks, with changes, with moments of magic. Things began again – the darkness rising, the winter coming.

Right through to the Night of Fireworks. It should come as no surprise that the wheel is too huge to change direction in just one night.

And now we are sinking into the darkness. The time when stillness is more important than ever. The time of reflection, while the sun gives us space to breathe and go within, while the land recovers and asks us to rest and heal our bodies.

Can I spend more time in the stillness? Can I say No to some of the activities which present themselves as opportunities? At least for long enough to strengthen and heal. To gather strength for the spring which will follow winter as surely as the cold is filling the land.

Bones are calling. My mind turns to thoughts of the dead, ancestors of blood and spirit. My altar shifted and now reflects the song of the dead whispering on the winds, the deep water, the cauldron of the night.

This winter I will be seeking stillness.

In the chaos of life.

In the dark of night.

In the endless activities and the calm carved from the storm.

Many things still need doing this wintertide and between them I shall seek the stillness. I am learning, slowly, that a time to rest and reflect is as important as a time to act. I can only act well when I come from a place of stillness, from a rested place, a place where I gather my energies. The tools which will help me? Reflection. Meditation. Musing. Breathing.

What will you seek this winter? And how will you seek it out?

Quiet but not Idle

This summer I have been a very busy lady!!! Things I have made recently include:

I have also been…

Upgrading to a PhD!!!

Completing a short Management Course with a Work Placement at Llanerchaeron (a beautiful georgian house with gardens)

Performing as the hostess in a murder mystery on stage

Making new friends 🙂

Building ‘A World Enchanted‘ – the next stage in the Feyhearted Project

Finding my singing voice again

Getting a new job – that is actually local to my home!!!

And getting really clear on my Work – while learning there is no rush…

 

Everything happens in its own time. I took a risk in July when I decided to leave my job and it paid off. Life is sweet and beautiful and becoming more enchanted everyday.

Survival is a strong driving urge in us… but what about thriving? What about loving your life? I waited until I was desperate to answer those questions, my journal from the first half of this year centers around trying to work out how to survive. I was asking the wrong question. I only found the answer when I asked; how can I be happy?

I weighed up the risk of failure against the certainty of misery and made a choice. I chose enchantment.

I’m very very glad I did.

So… What are you choosing?

Facing Fears

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Today I opened Pandora’s box and sang on stage.

Pandora's Box by JW Waterhouse

When we look in the dark corner of our minds we find spells woven by ourselves and the people around us - our friends are the ones who help us break the spells that hold us back and weave new webs of wonder. Open the box and face it with friends.

Not only did I sing on stage – I pushed for the chance to do so.

I was terrified.

And afterwards… people were supportive. No one laughed at me (though I think I made a few people giggle at my antics), the world didn’t end (though it might have crumbled a little round the edges) and I feel proud of myself.

The reason I could do this when my self-belief was shattered long ago by people I trusted? Dear friends who have helped me rebuild my confidence. And one particular person who faced her own, rather similar demon with me.

When we face demons together, we can conquer them.

When we spend time with people who put us down, the demons grow, even where there weren’t any before.

The people we spend time with are important.

Who in your life binds you with your fears? Who builds your demons up because of their own? And who stands by you, helping you to break the spells that hold you back?

Who in your life helps you to enchant your world for the better?

We enchant ourselves and each other with our words, its up to us to choose which enchantments we’ll accept in our lives, and which we will break.

I will be singing to an audience again… with gratitude to the people in recent years who have helped me break the chains that bound my wings.

Who stands by your side and helps you fly? They’re your true friends, know them well.

What happens when you’re honest?

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Open your ears and listen. Take a breath and leap. Be vulnerable and open... and the world will respond in kind. This is magic.

The world fills with beauty.

I wrote a post last week about taking a risk and being open about myself in a situation where I’d normally have translated my language and edited things to hide those parts of my life which I fear rejection for…

This past fortnight I have practised not hiding those parts anymore…

I sang long and loud and in front of people, even when I messed it up…

I shared my dreams of pursuing a magic-based business… and openly claimed the title ‘Enchantress’ in front of ‘normal people’…

I spoke my truth, and got excited about the things I love…

And it worked.

No one reacted with derision. People asked questions, shared stories, made connections.

And I got even more excited and finally found some clarity on how to bring my passions together.

Magic happens when you’re honest, when you take a risk and open up…

What are you hiding from the world because you’re scared? What would happen if you shared it with the people around you?

What magic happens in the vulnerability of honesty?

 

What matters to you?

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This week I’ve had the fortune to get on a management and leadership course, which began yesterday.

The organiser was talking to us about how the most important thing that comes out of the course is the connections you make (when is that not the case?!) and that this newly forming network can lead to opportunities.

It reminded me of a very simple fact – if I hide what truly matters to me and only share with the group the parts of my passions which I consider safe to be shared, like my desire to lecture in Philosophy, then that will be the only area in which opportunities can open.

The only way to follow all of my loves is to allow them all to be present in my interactions with people.

A scary thing, for me, to be risk being seen as nutty… but if I don’t take the risk, the doors won’t open even if they’re there. And if I hide the pagan elements in my life in case people reject me, or my love of art and music because I’m being ‘serious’ and I’m shy about sharing those things with strangers in person, then the opportunities that come up in the areas I am open about won’t allow room for those things either.

So I ask myself, and you, what matters so much that you’ll take a risk and speak openly of it in order to invite it further into your life?

Whats worth the risk?

Solstice and Cycles

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Sunna and Manni - Jotun Tarot

The Sun and the Moon have their cycles, and so do we... parts of society have changed their cycles, trying to be linear, but we are still part of nature, still cyclical.

When I first stepped onto this peculiar path of paganism, I discovered frequent references to the importance of the ‘Wheel of the Year’, the ‘Festivals’, and cycles.

I duly camped at Avebury for every festival one year, watched the moon, made altars for the festivals and discovered my Moon sign. And all around me my life went on. I found early on that the feeling of when the tides changed didn’t always match the dates in the books. I also found that the old stories of the festivals didn’t always match the patterns of my life.

I went through school and academia… the year begins in the autumn, at the harvest time. How could that match with the harvest festival which declared a completion? The ending that was a beginning was Samhain – Halloween, 2 months later! And my years ended at the Summer Solstice… leaving a space for holidays and playtime and freedom. Summer was a time that was not a time. My life did not match the cycles I was reading about.

But the natural world did.

I marked the solstices and equinoxes as astrological events.

I acknowledged the markers of the cross-quarter festivals as markers of what the natural world was doing.

And I counted myself lucky to not suffer from SAD!

The nature of our world now is such that, through technology, we can manage our environment to a degree that lets us work when it is dark outside, and start and finish projects independently of the green growing things. We are still dependent on natural cycles for our health and our food, of course, but our day-to-day life has been massively divorced from those rhythms.

Many of us have come to believe that we linear beings, not cyclical. Our technology allows us to work the same length day in winter as in summer, to protect some of our crops from the worst storms, and to avoid the direct consequences when things do go wrong. While we may feel a pinch when the prices rise due to scarcity, its nothing to what the people starving feel.

So society encourages us to push ourselves, to work too hard, too long in the winter. To keep up summertime productivity all year round. And we can, technically, do so. But our health suffers.

I’ve long noticed personal patterns, personal cycles, that effect my life, and not only the obvious ones. I always get excited about new projects in the autumn, especially around Samhain. I get tired on the day of the full moon, and energised during the dark moon, and become withdrawn during the waning moon. I have periods where I work best on visual arts, periods where I am obsessed with my studies, and periods where all I can do is write about the Fae or work on my website. And these times spiral round in huge loops…

I’ve been quiet on here recently. I’ve been in a inward cycle.

I can’t apologise, although I’ve felt a little guilty at points, but I’ve come to realise that I have to honour these cycles. I’m learning how the astrological patterns effect me, and how my natural rhythms flow, and I’m slowly figuring out ways to prepare for quiet times so I can keep up with my commitments.

Learning about personal cycles, and how the natural cycles effect me, is taking a long time, a lot of patience, and constant awareness. But its proving worthwhile. Knowing that I don’t always have the energy for sharing my internal processes means I can honour myself when that is the case. Knowing when that will happen means I can prepare in advance!

How do you cope with the conflict between societies attempts at keeping us linear, and our natural tendency towards cyclical patterns? Have you mapped how your personal cycles intersect with the cycles of the sun and the moon? How has that helped you in a practical way?

I’m writing this on the Longest day of the year, although I won’t be posting it till next week, since I know that I’ll be tired again then, and probably feeling quiet! As I say, I’m learning to prepare, to honour my own cycles, and to practice self-care while honouring my commitments. Its an interesting balancing act. How do you do it?

Dreaming of a Grove

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The Enchanted GroveI have a dream…

A dream of a place where people can gather and share and support each other in the path of enchantment, of Faery, of magic and spirit.

A place which holds space for play and the search for delight in the everyday.

A place where people can discuss serious thoughts about a-rational things, and playful thoughts about serious things.

A place for art and music and devotion and learning and healing and empowerment.

A place where your religion doesn’t matter, where magic as metaphor and magic as real is equally as precious because it is the experience and the enchantment it gives you that matters.

An Enchanted Grove.

I dream that one day this will be a physical place, a tangible space, or maybe even many spaces across the world…

For now, I’m planting the seeds of an online grove… there are a few feylings there already and soon I hope to open it up to more wandering wonderers.

I’m making my dreams come true…

Would you care to join me?