Tag Archives: Journalling

Trusting

30 Sunday Jan 2011

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There is no such thing as coincidence.

Everything is connected.

The number of times this past year I’ve been worried about something, and the minute I let go and hand it over to Aumakua, my Godsoul and the Godsoul of the universe, when I hand it over to Spirit, God Herself, the Universe, when I just let it go and trust… and the solution arrives.

When I ask for help, it comes.

When I said: I don’t know how I’ll find a new home in the place that I love, but that is where I want to be… paths opened.

When I said: I don’t know how I can afford to live in Wales again, when there seems to be no work there, but it is what I choose and I trust that it will be ok… the next day a way for it to work arrives.

When I said: I have no idea how I can pay these bills and get through this month without landing in a mess… a cheque for a tax refund from 5 years ago arrived in my hand.

This is part of being a witch. I sit with myself and reach an understanding of who I am and what I Will. I make a choice. I Trust that it will all be ok. I step forward. The Universe steps with me.

And other people are doing the same, creating the world. Sometimes my choices are inc onflict with others. Often my choices are in conflict with what I actually Will because I’m not clear enough. I don’t ask for everything I need because of complexes and beliefs which get in the way. I compromise on what I’m askign for because I’m scared to ask for the big thing I actually want.

And I journal and muse and sit and listen. I breathe and connect and hope.

And I’m learning to trust.

Since I began on this path I’ve had message after message – let go. Trust. Leap.

I’m learning to, little by little.

And trust is rewarded in very practical ways.

I am so grateful. Big love to all those beings out there who guide me gently, who push me firmly, who point me at the cliff and remind me that I have wings to fly with.

 

 

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For a practical discussion of a clearly laid out method for putting ego to one side, getting clear on what you want, and asking for it in a way that gets results, I’d recommend The One Command by Asara Lovejoy. A friend leant me a copy and reading it illuminated exactly what I’d been doing. This stuff works.

Feyhearted – Pixie Kiss #6 – Yourself

07 Friday Jan 2011

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This is the sixth post in a series of suggestions for re-enchanting your life, one pixie kiss at a time. The introduction is here, and you can watch the path unfold here.

Who are you?

Who do you dream of being?

To be enchanted without becoming lost it is key to know your own heart, the centre of your self, the home of your soul. So now we turn from the space around us, and the beings that are our allies, and the enchantment already in the world, to face our own selves.

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Snowy Solstice

21 Tuesday Dec 2010

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Standing in the snow in my pyjamas as the clouds lining the sky lightened with dawn, I breathed in the beauty of the Solstice morn.

I gazed at the orange sky above, lit by streetlamps, and smiled at the branches, dark under the snow. I used to climb this tree with a book, just to spend time in its branches.

The sun is beginning its yearly return today, and though its cold and dark now, I know that each night will be shorter, each day longer… much as I love the night, I appreciate being able to walk home from work in daylight!

I’m thinking about goals, desires, choices.

I’m thinking about the movement from the dark into the light…

I understand now how thoughts slowly germinate in the dark, projects and understandings mull over in the depths of my mind until they rise into the light and a decision is made…

Its a slow process, knowing deep down what must be done, and waiting for that deep knowing to become strong enough to grow into choice and action.

It took five years of knowing that I would become vegetarian to actually doing it, because that knowing had to seep into my bones, had to become right on every level, had to become so ingrained in me that my conscious mind accepted it. There are ways to speed this process up, magic, spellworking, NLP, the ‘One Command’… and there is also space for this process to slowly unfold within me. Sometimes, this is the right way.

I am often impatient, and I am finally coming to know, in my bones, that its ok for things to take time, to become strong before they are exposed to the light. If that choice to become vegetarian hadn’t rooted in my bones, I’d have crumbled in the first week when I had to face family and travel and a funeral. If I don’t nurture that hope, that I express but cannot yet state, until it is so strong I cannot deny it, then it will fade in the harsh light of day.

Sometimes things can be acted on right away. Sometimes they need to germinate. And sometimes they germinate for too long and never grow.

Its a fine balance.

I hope I get it right.

How do you do it?

Feyhearted – Pixie Kiss #3 – Understanding

16 Thursday Dec 2010

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This is the third of a series of suggestions for re-enchanting your life, one pixie kiss at a time. The introduction is here, and you can watch the path unfold here.
We started by making some space. Space for enchantment, space for the Fae. For our second step, we began collecting enchantment, in the form of stories.

Now we can open to an understanding of enchantment and look towards how it can ripple into our lives…

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The Effect of Magic

04 Saturday Dec 2010

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I have a long history with magic… as a child I was always wandering off with the fairies, I prayed and I learnt stage magic (and bored/enchanted my family at the tender age of 6 with a full magic show). As I hit puberty I stumbled across Paganism, Witchcraft specifically (the books on UFOs and ghosts held little interest, but the ones which spoke of connecting with the natural world, and learning to affect change in your life, those I devoured!), and I found my feet on a map, one with many paths all roughly leading in the same direction.

And I’ve continued, honing my approach, finding my way, wandering along the edge of paths and trying to find people who think like I do.

The important question here, though, is why? Why do I keep on this path? Why do I hold seemingly-irrational beliefs? Why do I keep a space for the Gods in my home and my heart? Why do I spend time, energy and money tracking down events which speak of these things?

What, in short, are the benefits?!

Well, aside from the rare spellwork I do having rather literal outcomes (which could be coincidence but my pattern-making mind likes to think of as related), its had an effect on me as a peron.

I was blessed with loving parents who brought me up to believe in myself and have confidence to go with the intelligence I inherited. And a touch of arrogance. Thanks Dad 🙂

I’m also naturally fragile, shy, quiet, and suffer horrendously from stage-fright even when not on stage. Or I used to. The magical work I’ve done – reflection, meditation, energy work, self-examination and subsequent development of relationships between all my parts, constant attempts at self-awareness, ritual-work… all these things and more – helped me to feel sure in myself around others. I might not know what to say in daily social situations, but I do know that I’m a person in my own right who doesn’t need to make small talk to be accepted. My friends accept that I’m weird, and I accept that they are too.

Its helped me to recognise when arrogance or insecurity threatens, and to know that that is whats going on. I can then use that information to act in a way of my choosing (at least, I can sometimes, life-long processes here, you know?).

My magical work has helped me to map out the locations I want to pass on my journey through life, and has taught me that I want to experience each step.

It also taught me that I’m not perfect. Important for a Leo to know. And, it taught me that thats ok. I have the confidence to speak out when I think something is wrong at least some of the time, and I have the humility to know that sometimes the other person has a point, even if I still disagree with them!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have greater self-awareness than I used to, and I value that. I also have tools to deal with situations where I notice I’m behaving in ways that don’t feel right to me. I’m gaining integrity, and I’m stronger. Still soft, and yet more able to cope with knocks. I cry less, am happier in myself, and can ignore people who are simply being mean without taking their words personally.

Magic has also encouraged me to challenge myself, so, for example, I took drama A-level to face my stage-fright, and it worked.

In all the ways magic has touched my life, it has helped me to grow, to become more whole, to engage with the world and my own life. It has helped me relax my need for control over my life (somewhat, I still panic when I’m feeling powerless) and has helped me to find more power in myself in my life.

The map is not the territory, many magicians say. Well, no, but a good map helps when you set out on an unexplored path, and each life is exactly that… and magic is a tool kit for navigating the terrain, a tool kit with many maps…

Not only that, but it has a phone which you can use to call for help, or guidance with, or that you can be called on when you need a good kick up the arse.  At the other end are the Gods and guides and Guardians. For which I am grateful, even though I’m not quite sure what they want from me yet!

FeyHearted Book Is Go!

14 Saturday Aug 2010

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Today I finally put the finishing touches to the book inspired by the work done on this blog.

I realised as I was writing it that I haven’t seen anything quite like this anywhere before, so I feel rather proud of myself.

It is illustrated, and I have a beautiful cover painting currently waiting to caress the cover of my brain-child!

So now remains the final stages of working out how I am to set this free into the world. I would very much like to make a limited run of really nice books for people to buy that can, in themselves, be special. And then to branch out into paperbacks and ebooks for it to be available to a wider audience. I am always impatient with these things, so close to finishing it is tempting to simply stick it up and have it out there, but it is important to me for this to not just be lost amoung the many thousands of pages of information.

Part of the reason I’ve written this is to share with others the way I’ve walked along this FeyHearted path, and part of the reason is as a devotional act for the Fey, the Faery Queen, and Himself, and so it feels important to do this right, in a way that does them honour.

Besides, I’ve put a lot of time and energy into this, so I’d like a nice copy too!

It is interesting to think over our culture’s fascination with Fairies, especially the fascination of young girls! Historically, I’ve been reading, this has been true as well, Fey beings were important to the female members of humanity more than to the men… the stories do tell of faery women enchanting the menfolk though, so they weren’t entirely immune to their charms! Despite this, there is less written on finding the Fey parts of ourselves, and this is what my book speaks to. Weaving between an exploration of what being Fey means and suggestions for coming closer to knowing your own Fey Heartand the Fey themselves, I hope this book has something for everyone.

I suppose the identification of women with Fey beings, (and often gender-queer or magical individuals for that matter, think over the number of times queer and Sighted individuals are called Fey) is to do with the understanding of power. For those that have little power in the over-culture’s world, it makes sense to find power in another world. For those that risk their lives in the process of giving birth, or know that they will one day, those beings that are on the edges of life hold a great deal of power to help and to harm. And then again, the identification of themselves as Fey affords individuals with a measure of power in their own lives.

And then, of course, we come back to the fact that the Fey are, simply, enchanting.

I am excited to help bring a little more of that enchantment back into the world… and I will keep you all posted on how the book is coming along!

Faery Mythology – A Story – With Cards

05 Saturday Sep 2009

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This is a story I have written myself. A story of an imaginary history, a mythology of the separation of human and fey, both as beings and as natures within ourselves. This is a story which I translated into 8 images, 8 cards, cards which can be shuffled and laid out again as the events of this story can happen, really, in any order. It began here, travelled through here, and is now brought together right here…

Are you sitting comfortably?

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Journalling – HeartSpace

08 Wednesday Apr 2009

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Walking on this path we have promised to be honest, we have begun to make space for our hearts in our lives, and we have learnt how to open the Faery senses.

Let us now put these things together.

Find somewhere comfortable to sit and play.

Open your Faery senses in the way the Faery Queen told you.

Feel the mists between the worlds descend and feel your senses open. Know that you can see with Faery sight, hear with Faery ears, feel with Faery senses.

Sit with your journal and your Heart-Space – your box or bag or whatever called you – and feel what belongs in this bag. Meditate or muse while open on these questions:

What is in my heart?

What fills my heart with love and joy and delight?

What fills my heart with warmth, but I won’t let myself hold?

And what am I holding onto in my heart that I no longer need?

You might want to write or draw or doodle in your journal around these thoughts. You may suddenly realise you have the perfect thing to represent something you would like to hold in your heart and feel compelled to go get it and see how it feels to place it in there.

Feel how your Heart-Space feels to you. Is it missing things? Is it overflowing with love? Is it a little leaky? Are there some things you feel you would never put in there, but would like to just the same?

Allow insights to arise, take your time and come back to this later and see how the answers have changed.

If you would like to, I include some suggestions for journaling below.

Mark out a heart shape in your journal.

What fills your heart?

Fill the shape with images of things that fill your heart with warm/love/Faery

Collage, draw, write, doodle, whatever feels good to you.

What fills you with love?

What would you like to hold in your heart, but are scared to? What do you know fills you with love, but you resist taking it in?

What supports you in bringign your heart into your life?

Surround the heart with things that support your heart/bringing your heart into the world.

You can keep adding to this over time, allowing images to come to you in magazines or leaflets, or drawing them directly onto the page. Allowing words to arise, painting over images, cutting holes… anything that feels like it expresses what you feel would best fill your heart, and that surrounds you with a safe place to express your heart.

Be honest. Be as gentle with yourself as you need to be. Play!

You may want to scan these images and print them out at card size so you can make them into a deck of cards, carry them with you easily, or keep them visible around your home or workplace. You can make these images into wallpaper for your desktop, or posters for your room, or anything that helps you remember who you are. You may want instead to sit with the journal pages and condense them down directly onto a card, drawing or writing out the bits that most resonate into something that can remind you of the whole.

Experiment. Play. Enjoy.

The Next Step: A Full Moon Faery Ritual

Turning the Sight On OurSelves

03 Friday Apr 2009

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The Faery Queen gave us a gift, the gift of Faery Sight, and gifts are not made to sit on a shelf and gather dust. Gifts are given to be used.

But, we wonder, how are we to use this gift? We sit in our human world and puzzle over this beautiful, inhuman gift, sparkling in our Selves, and we begin to understand that it can show us both the Fey without, and the Fey within.

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When I say Faery Sight or vision, really I’m talking about opened senses, whichever sense or senses that lit up in you. It may be sight, or it may be hearing or touch, or maybe it was a Sense, an ability to sense beyond the human world. Each person is unique and so we all open in different ways.

Learning how to open to Faery Vision has two key uses:

Opening us to the wild magic and beauty of the world, the realm of Faery.

And allowing us to truly see ourselves.

And I’ve been wondering, how can we turn our Faery senses on ourselves? How exactly do we use this gift to reveal our heart to us? Sensing the Fey without is one thing, quite a lot easier to describe, and which we will come to soon, very soon. But the Fey within? The easiest answer is that this takes meditation. Lots of it. You could just sit in meditation with your Faery senses opened in the way the Faery Queen showed you, and focus on yourself. This works.

But there are other ways, ways which are inspired by processes like Soulcollage™ and Soul Journaling and all the imaginative ways people have explored their many selves.

So, to begin, I’m going to ask you to dig out that book we mentioned earlier, a book which you can doodle, write, draw, paint, scribble and collage in. A Faery journal… make sure its not too precious if you have trouble worrying about making a mess of precious things, you want something that you can feel completely free to play with.

And then I’m going to suggest that you might perhaps like to consider what kind of size you would be happiest using as a deck of cards. I use the standard playing card size, 2.5 inches by 3.5 inches, you might want something a bit bigger depending on your preferred method of play. I suggest cards because they are tactile, they feel good to hold, and they are portable. And, most importantly, they allow you to shuffle the things you record and lay them out to discover new connections between your discoveries.

Over the next little while, in between the trancey steps, I shall offer prompts and suggest things you can do which allow you new (or perhaps familiar) ways of exploring your Faery self through making cards and Journaling.

And, to be sure, I will be playing with these things alongside you!

The Next Step: A Divinatory Layout